If you have been a person for a long enough time–specifically, a girl person, or someone who appears to be a girl–you will know that, of the many characteristics that you could ever exhibit, there is only one that really matters: Being sexy.
Just kidding! But, uh, not really. This argument needs a lot more nuance, obviously, but sexiness is a value that gets shoved down girls’ throats at a higher and more constant rate than it does for guys, which means that girls tend to feel like their bodies, and what they look like, are the only things that matter. Because of this, chances are good that, if you are a girl, it’s something that you think about pretty frequently. There’s nothing wrong with this if it’s just you, personally, who wants to feel sexy, but the sexiness that’s expected of girls is a sterilized version–girls are expected to appeal sexually to other people, but not desire sex themselves. And that’s a problem!
Anyway. If you really want to know your true sexiness quota, stop relying on external validation and rely, instead, on your horoscope. You see, sexiness is about as important and impactful to your overall well-being and personhood as astrology is, which is to say: not at all, but it sure is hard not to think it is! If you really want to know how sexy you are, check out the truth (ahem, “truth”) with these Tumblr horoscope posts:
1. What’s your ~sexiest~ personality trait?
2. Which of these sex items is the most “you?”
3. How do you feel about…hickeys?
4. With which sign should you have the most wild of sex?
5. Which of these sexy AF pickup lines should you use on the zodiac enthusiast in your life?
6. How’s your relationship with porn?
7. Are you a kink shamer or a kink haver?
8. Are you in the “flirty” squad?
9. What about the sexy squad?
10. What type of ~lover~ are you?
11. What kind of sex do you have?
12. Which of these, um, sexy messages are you?
13. What’s your sexual makeup?
14. What do you do when you’re turned on?
15. What makes you hot?
16. Which male fantasy projection are you?
17. And, finally–what are you doing after sex?
Did these feel accurate to you? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments!