It’s Okay If Your Boyfriend Watches Porn, Unless They Do These 7 Things

It should go without saying that a ton of people watch porn. Regardless of age, gender identity, race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, etc…porn is watched by all demographics, and pornographic material has been a part of various cultures around the world for centuries. Yeah, the concept of getting turned on by sexual images ain’t new, we just have more access to it now than ever before. For some, this fact can take a lot of getting used to, especially if you’re not really into porn but your partner is. All kinds of couples go through this awkwardness–gay couples, straight couples, etc–but here at Gurl, we get a lot of messages from girls who are really worried about their boyfriends’ porn viewing habits.

Look, whether you consider porn a relationship deal breaker, cheating, whatever, is up to you, even though we like to make sure our readers know that there’s nothing inherently wrong with watching porn and the idea that it’s cheating might be a little harsh. We also like to keep it real: If you’re dating a dude, there’s a high chance that he watches porn on the regular. You can either deal with it or you can take issue with it, but it’s happening whether you like it or not. Yes, we could go on and on about the countless ways that the porn industry is problematic and sets bizarro world expectations for sex, one that many of us internalize and become convinced is the norm even when it’s not. That’s absolutely fair and needs to be discussed in a real, honest manner. But for a lot of porn watchers, porn is just…porn. There’s an innumerable amount of people who watch porn and maintain happy, healthy relationships! While it’s natural to perhaps feel like you have to compete in some porno your boyfriend watches, it doesn’t hurt to ask yourself whether or not you’re overreacting by the fact that your BF touches his junk at the sight of some Instagram model’s side boob.

But–and yes, there’s a but–there are certain circumstances in which you’re actually totally reasonable to be concerned about your boyfriend’s porn consumption. It’s okay if your boyfriend watches porn, unless he also does these seven things that can actually ruin your relationship–and his life–for good.


They Can't Achieve An Orgasm Without Porn

Hey, if your partner watches porn to get off, that's not alarming. Some couples even enjoy watching porn together to get in the mood. However, when porn becomes a crutch in the bedroom, that's a legitimate cause for concern. It's one thing to have a porno on in the background when you're hooking up. It's another if your partner literally can't achieve an orgasm without keeping their eyes on the screen and not on you. That not only feels like crap, it also makes intimacy straight up impossible. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to compete against a porn star whenever you and bae are in bed.

small>Skins

You're Expected To Play The Role Of IRL Porn Star

It’s one thing to want porn star moves in bed, it’s another to want the full on look. Did your bae go from not giving a damn about your pubes to expecting you to be pube-free? Are they encouraging you to work out more or look more put together before getting intimate? Are they basically turning into a superficial weirdo who doesn’t respect the fact that you make decisions about your body for yourself and not just their approval? Yep, too much porn (and a serious case of a-hole syndrome).

small>Coming To America

They Totally Have No Concept Of Boundaries Thanks To Porn

Experimentation is normal, as is seeing something in a porno and wanting to give it a shot IRL. But your porn obsessed partner should never be too pushy about it, especially if you're not into it. If your partner cannot distinguish between your boundaries and the boundaries of someone in porn, that's concerning. Someone shouldn't be insistent on you performing a specific sexual activity that you feel uncomfortable with, period.

small>Broad City

Porn Is Interrupting Your Partner's Every Day Life, And They're Getting Super Moody

Porn addiction might sound laughable, but it's real, and like any other addictions it can have severe consequences on one's daily life. Is your partner getting bad grades at school? Are they skipping class and on thin ice at work? Are they a lot more abscent than they used to be when it comes to quality time between the two of your or even between them and their friends? Is your partner's attitude a lot different? For example, are they more secretive, aggressive, of frustrated when you're around? This might sound ridiculous, but this might be because they're addicted to porn. Aggregation when you're seiund might literally be an example of them low key tweaking out from withdrawals from porn. The secretive behavior of absentia might be from sneaking in porn viewing into their daily schedule. Again, the average porn watcher isn't going to experience these problems, so don't assume this will be your partner's fate. You should only confront them about seeking help if they exhibit the aforementioned symptoms. Again, this might sound silly but they really do need some help if their daily activities and behavior is a wreck due to porn.

small>Don Juan

Your Partner Isn't Even Interested In Sex Anymore, Just Porn

They’re perfectly fine not getting it in. As long as they have Wifi, a hand, and some tissues, they’re Gucci. At this point, having sex with a sexual relationship with a living, breathing person doesn’t really have too much appeal. If this sounds like your current partner, I’m sorry, but you’re better off with someone who lives in the real world.

small>The Inbetweeners

You've Set A Porn Ultimatum, And It's Being Ignored

I'm not encouraging you to do the whole "It's me or the porn!" routine if your partner is a casual porn watcher. As I said in the intro, that's probably just something you're going to have to deal with. But if your partner's porn habits are actually impacting your intimacy, and you've let them know and received a response of indifference...that's a problem. In that case, you really might have to take the nuclear option: either theyre invested in getting the intimacy back into your relationship or they're going to be single with just an incognito window and a hand. If they choose the porn over you...yikes.

small>Girls

The Porn Your Partner Watches Is Legitimately Disturbing

Okay, I know that the general rule about having a PC approach to people's turn one is this: "Don't yuck my yum." In other words, don't kink shame. People are funny and have some funny desires, and most of the time those desires are harmless, no matter how odd they might be. But if you get the impression that your partner watches porn that is actually disturbing...bae needs professional help, an intervention, or a good call out, pronto. This is especially true if you fear the porn they watch is illegal in nature.

small>YouTube/Michael Jackson Vevo

Do you have a partner who relies too much on porn? How do you feel about partners watching porn in general? Do you consider it cheating? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

8 Qualities To Look For In A Partner That Aren’t Cliche AF

Follow Gurl!

FacebookTwitterTumblrPinterest, and Instagram


Posted in: Health, Sex & Relationships
Tags: , ,