Crushes are confusing and weird, but still totally thrilling. This statement feels especially true if you identify as a straight woman, and you think you might have a crush on another woman. As you struggle with your feelings towards this girl, you’ll probably spend endless hours wondering: “do I have a girl crush or a real crush?” A girl crush, if you don’t know, refers to a girl you admire and/or find attractive. You think she’s perfect and you wish you could be her best friend, and maybe you obsess over how pretty she is, but you can’t see yourself actually dating this person. It’s a strong feeling, though, and so sometimes it butts right up against actual crush territory. The lines can easily get blurred, leaving you feeling confused, especially if you’re in the midst of questioning your sexuality.
Well, the good news is this: you don’t have to put a label on anything. Still, it’s normal to think about it a lot, so we can help you try to get to the bottom of it. Oh, and also, if your “girl crush” turns out to be a “real” crush, this doesn’t mean you need to immediately have a Very Important Discussion with your parents or something. Sexuality can be fluid, and crushes vary in seriousness, so don’t rush to make this a big deal. Have no fear, friends, we’re going to walk you through this. These 15 signs aren’t 100 percent fool-proof guarantee tests, but are still pretty good indicators that you have a real crush on your girl friend:
1) Your heart skips when you see them.
Being excited to see her is one thing, that’s a different feeling. You can be excited for a day trip with friends or seeing a band, but do your insides do flips when you unexpectedly bump into her? You can’t control it, you might even embarrassed or flustered by it and pretend it’s not there, but it is and it makes you feel self conscious.
2) You can’t quite put your finger on *why* you like her.
Most girl crushes are specific. She’s so cool, you pretty much want to BE her, everything about her may as well be plucked from the goals you have for yourself in your brain. If it’s a real crush though, your feelings of admiration might be more like “I just want to orbit around her like the sun and soak in her awesomeness” because there’s just something about her that’s hard to name, but you’re totally drawn to her.
3) You feel the need to defend that it’s a girl crush, not a real crush.
This is basically like saying “no homo.” You have zero sense of humor around this crush, girl crush or not.
4) All your girl crushes seem to fall into a type.
Hm, maybe like a real crush? Just saying!
5) You obsessively stalk both her life and her love life.
Oh no, you’re not jealous of the person she’s dating, but you’ll def creep on all their pictures together and you might stare if you see them in person, but you’re not JEALOUS, why would you ever say that?
6) Physical contact makes you nervous.
If being around her is intimidating, but if she hugged you wouldn’t read into it, it’s probably a girl crush. However, if brushing up against her makes you uncomfortable or jolts you awake in a weird way and makes you nervous? Real crush.
7) You REALLY want to get to know her.
More than knowing details about her life that would illuminate how she gets to be HER, like how does she get her hair to curl so perfectly? How is she that confident? Why is she so good at guitar? Instead, you more so want her grandparent’s to like you and stay up all night talking.
8) You catch yourself staring.
Girls check each other out all the time, but it’s worth noting checking someone out doesn’t always have to be leer-y boob staring. Outfit checks are quick, but are you watching how her body moves and how she looks so pretty in that light? That’s a different kind of staring.
9) You maybe dread seeing her… but also really look forward to it.
You get super self conscious, have tons of negative thoughts about how you suck, and can’t get comfortable, but it’s better than not seeing her, right?
10) Knowing you’re going to see her totally changes how you act all day.
WHAT IS SHE INTO? IS ANY OF THAT IN MY CLOSET?
11) Texting her makes you nervous.
As in the “what are you going to think of me” kind of nervous. It’s similar to when you text a guy, if you’re also attracted to guys. You proofread, read it back to yourself, carefully select emojis, and sweat it out until they text you back.
12) Also, you definitely reread those texts, analyze them, and ask your friends to decode.
She said lol not haha, so what does that mean? I mean, it’s no big deal, it’s no big deal, it’s not a thing, but also tell me what she means by that.
13) You can’t stop thinking about her.
With a girl crush, you actively wonder what she’d do in a situation to channel your inner badass queen, so yeah you think about her a lot, but it’s specific and deliberate. When you have a real crush, the thought of her has snuck into your brain and stayed there. You think about her for no specific reason, in reference to nothing in particular, but she’s definitely taken up space in your brain and hasn’t left.
14) You feel like you have to “get over it” like you would a real crush.
We’ve all been there where you try to talk yourself out of a crush and you definitely feel this way about your girl crush.
15) Your girl crush sent you into full blown panic mode at first.
Your knee jerk reaction was “WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!” v. feeling totally normal about this and then afterwards wondering if this girl crush is something. When it’s a crush-crush, your body knows, and that can be confusing. When it’s a girl crush that’s stayed around for a while, you have time to read into it and get curious, but it didn’t hit you like a truck at first.
So, is your crush a girl crush or a CRUSH-crush? Are you freaked out? Because you definitely don’t have to be! Let us know what’s going on for you in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.