7 Things You Need To Know If You Feel Unwanted

I know, this post’s title is so earnest and gooey that it might kind of sort of make you want to die, but hear me out.

A friend of mine has been feeling really down about herself lately, and it’s breaking my heart. She’s a teenager and is constantly posting about how she’s ugly and unattractive and nobody will ever want her. The fact that she’s actually really cute, talented, funny, and likable as hell is worth noting, but it’s also besides the point: Too many people feel this way about themselves, and they don’t deserve it, not just because it’s so devastatingly self-defeating, but because they’re believing a myth about themselves that has no basis in reality.

I know, this could so easily turn into some vapid self-love word vomit about how everyone is special and blah blah blah. But listen, if anyone should know what it feels like to feel unwanted and unattractive, I’m definitely one of ’em. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I was never one of the prettiest girls in school either, not by a long shot. If anyone at my school had a crush on me, I wouldn’t have known. I’m sure if I didn’t have such a great group of friends I would have been a lot more miserable than I was, acknowledging this. I never even had my first kiss until I was 23 years old. Yeah, 23. In fact, that same year–OUT OF NOWHERE–I was suddenly going out on dates with two different guys, one of whom ended up becoming my boyfriend. If you had told me a few years prior that I would have two dudes trying to hook up with me, I would have sneered. But life is funny, and the girl who never had dates for prom, never did anything sexual in high school, and never had anyone trying to hook up with them ended up…okay. Sure, I still get stuck in ugly-ducking-who-was-never-attractive-to-anyone-ever mode from time to time with my boyfriend, and it sucks. But I’m getting better about it, and that’s what matters.

I wanted to mention my personal story because I think it’s so easy to get caught up in thinking that your current situation or feelings are going to last forever. Fun fact: They’re not. Another fun fact: You’re not some ugly slug creature from the depths of hell. And yet another fun fact: The sooner you stop getting so caught up in thinking you’re some hideous, unwanted creature, the better. Yes, it’s easier said than done, and if you’re expecting to change your self-image overnight…good luck. but you should still remember these seven things if you feel unwanted.


There's Always (ALWAYS) Going To Be Someone Who Thinks You're Effing Amazing, Period

Sure, maybe it's not right now, maybe it's not at your school, maybe you won't like this person back, maybe this person is someone you won't meet for a few years. But there's going to be somebody out there whose stomach does knots whenever you're around. Period. There will be someone who thinks you're rad, and if you honestly don't think so, you're actually special snowflaking yourself. What the hell makes you so special that you're just that repulsive? Please.

Daria

You Can't Depend On The People Who You're Around To Accurately Judge Your Worth

Sorry, but...you've got to stop giving people at school so much power over you and your self-worth, especially if you're in high school. Girl, you're going to let some people who just happen to be in the same geographical location as you every day thanks to chance and zip codes decide how cool you are? The world is big, dude, think about it.

Clueless

Most People Don't Effing Matter

This might sound either really obvious or really harsh but it's true. Most people aren't even paying you enough mind to even have an opinion on how desirable you are, so spend your valuable time caring about the peope in your life who actually matter and whose opinions you actually care about.

Some Girls

People You Might Think Have It Made Actually Feel Like Crap About Themselves Too

There are people out there--maybe they're some popular girl at your school, maybe they're your friend you always feel ugly next to, maybe, maybe they're someone you follow on social media--who you think are so gorgeous and attractive and cool...who actually down themselves all the time. If they were talking about how ugly and unattractive and unlovable they felt, you would probably tell them that they're nuts, right? Right. You literally sound just as ridiculous as they do, though. Whether it's mental health issues or just plain ol' lack of self-esteem, you can't assume other people have it better than you based on superficial nonsense.

Empire Records

You're Not The Slug You Think You Are

You're not. You can say you are as much as you want, and we all love a good social media vent about how gross we feel. But trust, you're really not some kind of slug sea creature of doom. You're probably pretty damn cute, you're probably pretty damn smart, and you're probably pretty damn likable. Who do you think you are, Donald Trump or something? Think of, like, three things about yourself that you like and keep it with you for positivity points. It'll help, seriously.

My Mad Fat Diary

People Do Things At Different Paces

You think you're the only person in the history of life who has never hooked up yet. First of all, you aren't. Second of all, people do things at different paces and they turn out okay. Third of all, getting caught up in things like this will just make you more miserable. When it happens--kisses, sex, relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc--it happens. Besides, half of the things you're downing yourself about not doing yet...are probably overrated AF anyway.

The Virgin Suicides

Try To Stay Positive TBH

As I said in the intro, life is weird and your circumstances might change super quickly out of nowhere. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop being so down on yourself. Some days will be harder than others--hell, a lot of days might--but do you have anything better to do? Thinking you have the appeal of herpes ain't helping you.

Fresh Meat

Are there any other affirmations that make you feel better about yourself? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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