10 Things That Make A Girl Best Friend Material

When I was younger, I used to collect best friends as if they were a toy or a certain accessory that I liked (I was not alone in this – many of the girls I went to middle school with did the same thing). I prided myself on my long list of besties, which grew quite often and included so many girls that the term “best friend” quickly became just a formality with no real meaning. Back then, to be my best friend, the only requirement was someone I hung out with outside of school and could have sleepovers with without needing other girls around. It wasn’t until later on in my high school years that I realized that not every friend is a best friend – there are certain things that make a girl close friend material, and certain things that just never take the relationship to that level.

Today, I still sometimes struggle with the difference between “best friend” and “close friend.” I’ll catch myself getting close with someone, and I’ll think, “are we best friends? Or are we just good friends?” I also spend a lot of time wondering if other people think of me as best friend material. Am I open enough, or am I too shy? Am I annoyingly overwhelming and clingy, or am I sometimes too aloof? Am I easy to talk to, or do I come off as judgmental? I know I’m not alone in these thoughts. A lot of you write in questions wondering how to make someone your best friend or how to be the girl other people want to be besties with. It’s a normal thing to think about!

So, I wanted to share what some girls said in this Ask Reddit thread on what makes someone a good best friend. These girls explain the differences between someone who is just a friend, and someone who is a best friend, the person you can rely on no matter what. Here are a few things that make a girl best friend material:


The Ability To Sit Quietly With Someone

Having fun and being able to have a conversation are obviously two huge parts of a close friendship. But something that can separate a good friend and a BEST friend is what you two are like when things aren't so exciting and are more quiet. The ability to comfortably be quiet with each other is so important. As user holliwouldnoid says, "Knowing how to be together and quiet is a really important quality for me. My closest friends are all pretty different from each other but I can sit next to any one of them all day, only saying a few words, and be totally content and know that they are content. No check-ins are necessary. Silence is totally underrated."

Source: iStock

Makes An Effort To Stay Friends

One incredibly important quality of a best friend is someone who, you know, tries to be your best friend. User needvitaminD says, "Actually making an effort in maintaining a friendship. It's hard to find people who do this." It's true! A friend is someone you see once in a while and have fun with. A best friend is someone who makes time for you no matter what, someone who makes you one of her priorities.

Source: iStock

Someone Who Doesn't Act Possessive

Jealousy in friendships is very real and very common. We all fall victim to it once in a while. But when it turns into a possessive type of jealousy, that's where things get weird. A true best friend might get jealous, but she'll never act like she owns you. User tetrapharmakos_ explains, saying, "Un-possessive. Nothing makes me push you away faster than trying to be entitled to my time or entitled to having opinions about my life that I never asked for. I cringe every time anyone shares anything about being jealous of their best friend spending time with someone else. I think that's just so dumb."

Source: iStock

Having Interests In Common

Although it's true that sometimes opposites attract, best friends usually have at least one major interest in common. It's part of what cements their bond! User InnocenceMyBrother says, "Having shared interests and a mutual hobby reeeeaaaaaally helps. My life long best friend and I met in middle school and bonded over a mutual dislike of our PE class. We've stayed good friends because we have similar taste in music, enjoy the same things, have nearly identical political and ethical views, and a fierce love for each other that we're both determined to maintain despite living far away."

Source: iStock

Having Different Opinions Is No Big Deal

Of course, sharing interests doesn't mean that you guys have to agree on everything. A sure sign of a bestie is someone who knows that you can both have different opinions and even can debate about those opinions with you. A true BFF is able to be honest with you about her differing opinions or about constructive criticism instead of saying things just to please you. User 46makun explains, "My BFFs are the ones who can get involved in politics with me, debate and support things we think are important. But it's just as critical that we give each other breaks now and then, and we don't expect each other to be always "on." Being able to debate is huge though--we don't let each other get away with anything, and it makes for great discussion and lots of epiphanies."

Source: iStock

You Can Be Yourself Around Her

Obviously one of the most important qualities of a best friend is someone you feel like you can be yourself around. If you're putting on an act for her, she isn't your bestie. User MlLKQUEEN says, "I need to be able to be myself around her. I've always felt that I needed to censor myself around other girls and if I meet someone that I don't feel I have to be on my best behaviour with, that really seals the deal for me."

Source: iStock

Having The Same Sense Of Humor

Laughter is such an important part of a friendship. If you're with a friend and you feel like you can't joke around or laugh with her, then chances are good she is not your best friend. User biasedyogurtmotel says, "My best friend and I just share the same sense of humor. We have a very particular, odd sense of humor, and it's the exact same one. We can both constantly make each other laugh which is incredibly important to us."

Source: iStock

Someone You Can Count On

Your best friend has to make you feel like you can count on her at all times, no matter what. If she doesn't make you feel that way, she isn't your bestie, period. User beepemm explains: "I mostly cut Friend A out of my life and kept Friend B because I saw B as close-friend material and A as not. A and I were tight when we first met and had a lot in common. B and I also got tight pretty quickly but we didn't have as much in common. We still have enough in common, but overall we're a little different. The huge difference to me was if I felt like I could talk to them when I needed them. Friend A would stop engaging with me quickly into texting convos and she barely responded to my texts when I wanted to talk after about a year of friendship. On the other hand, Friend B ALWAYS responds. She genuinely wants to know what's going on in my life and keeps up with me like a good friend should. I met Friend A and Friend B roughly around the same time and now I'm really only close with B. So I figured out what makes someone close-friend material to me is just if I feel like I can count on them to be there when I need them, which should go without saying but I clung onto some friendships I shouldn't have because I didn't realize they weren't real friends to me."

Source: iStock

Being Accepting

Your best friend doesn't need to agree with everything you do or think, but she should accept you and support you. User jesseaer says, "Well acceptance is a huge factor like not being judgmental, my BFF literally never has judged me ever and she knows all my secrets." If you feel like your bestie judges you, how can you possibly trust her?

Source: iStock

That Chemistry You Can't Explain

At the end of the day, the difference between a friend and a best friend is often one you can't explain. As user clearglassofwater says, "Friend chemistry is just a thing. I don't even get it." It's true. Sometimes you meet friends you just click with - you get along right away, it's easy to hang out, and things just fall into place. If things are awkward or weird, chances are, she isn't bestie material.

Source: iStock

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Posted in: Being Yourself
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  • eddy_vogel

    silence is overrrated…:P

  • My old bestie, Claire, was never a best friend… She always rejected me for her jerky boyfriend, Nate. Statistically proven that boyfriends are overrated and always lead to heartbreak and never lasts past high school.