7 Reasons Why You Really Shouldn’t Worry If You’ve Never Been Kissed

Way back when I was an intern here at Gurl, I wrote about being a 22-year-old who had never been kissed. Yes, an adult who had never been kissed. My point of view at the time was that, sure, it was definitely a little unusual to have made it through middle school, high school, and college without macking on someone. But I really wasn’t all that preoccupied with dating or hooking up, so I wasn’t exactly pressed. Would I have liked to have had more experience in the lip department? Hell yeah. But I wasn’t losing sleep over it. Months later, when I was 23, I finally had my first kiss…with a random dude I never saw again. It was fun but I was nervous and, honestly, after all that I’m glad I wasn’t losing sleep over not being kissed before, because my life didn’t change or anything.

Now I’m a little bit older, am in a long term relationship, and kiss on a regular basis. Wow! It’s almost as if you aren’t inherently some awkward, socially inept creature if you haven’t been kissed by age 15! Who would have thought? Well, the society that we live in is full of expectations about how old you should be before you do this or that or else you’re some unloveable fuggo. I feel pretty safe in saying that my personal experience, and the anecdotes of many others, definitely refutes this. So, if you’re currently angsting about having the sexual experience of a baby slug, chill and check out these seven reasons why you shouldn’t worry if you’ve never been kissed. Trust me on this.

Fact: First Kisses Are Mostly Overhyped

I'm not trying to act like every first kiss is trash...but a lot of them are. And if they're not, they're at the very least mediocre. Or, you're too nervous and overthinking your every move to actually enjoy it. So please, don't let anyone convince you that you're missing out on some grand, amazing experience. Kissing is honestly only nice when you do it with someone you want to do it with and when you're not terrified or forgetting to breathe.

My Mad Fat Diary

Kissing Has Nothing To Do With Maturity

Your maturity level isn't stunted just because you haven't inspected the roof of someone's mouth with your tongue. And as you know, plenty of frequent kissers can be some of the most emotionally immature people on the planet. Kissing. Has. Nothing. To. Do. With. Maturity. The end. Period. Fin.


A Lot Of People You Assume Have Kissed (And More) Might Not Have

When I was writing a column about being a 20-something year old virgin, I got a message from an acquaintance of mine who said she could relate to a lot of it. I was shocked because this woman was a gorgeous girl who was finishing up college and I just, you know, assumed she had dudes eating out of the palm of her hand. And yet, there she was, with nearly as little sexual experience as me. Then I realized that I was still adhering to v. effed up expectations of what kind of person lacked sexual experience as an adult...even when I represented that fraction and was basically dragging myself. I say all this to say that you really cannot look at someone and just know that they've locked lips plenty of times, if at all, or anything else about their sexual history. You'd be shocked by how many people are just as kiss-less as you are.

The Breakfast Club

A Lot Of People Who Claim To Have Been Kissed Already Might Be Counting BS Experiences

Okay, maybe it's just me, but giving that kid in your kindergarten class a peck on the lips when you were six doesn't really count as a first kiss to me. But don't be surprised if some friend of yours definitely counts something along those lines as her first lip locking experience and just isn't telling you.

Mean Girls

There Are People Who Don't Experience Their First Kiss Until Adulthood...And They're Not Weirdos

I remember people being shocked when I told them I've never been kissed back when I was 22-years-old, and it's honestly because they probably assumed that to be an adult who has never been kissed, you'd have to be a real weirdo. You know, socially inept, totally unable to have one-on-one time with someone, resembling a swamp thing, etc. Not to toot my own horn but...that doesn't describe me at all, and I'm sure it doesn't describe you either. Maybe you just haven't had the right opportunity to kiss someone yet, maybe you're surrounded by people you're uninterested in, maybe you had an opportunity but you missed it. Look, life is weird, but please...don't fret over this. Oh, and another point: When you finally do have your first kiss, nobody will be able to tell, I promise you. Hopefully that gives you a little relief.

Never Been Kissed

Kisses Have Nothing To Do With How Appealing You Are

It's so frustrating to see people, especially young girls and women, assume that just because they've never been kissed, that they're somehow unattractive and unappealing. This just isn't true. I assure you that there are a zillion other reasons as to why you haven't been kissed yet that have nothing to do with the kind of person you are. Like I said, a lot of times kisses are up to chance, like being in the right place, at the right time, with the right person, and so on.


There's Nothing Wrong About Being Picky

I know, I've been spending most of this post talking about how a first kiss really isn't a big deal. But hey, if you want it to feel a little more special for your own sake, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not locking lips on the first person who is ready and willing. Seriously, why should there be? It's intimacy and you have a right to be selective about who get you get intimate with, period.

But I'm A Cheerleader

Are you a late bloomer about the whole first kiss thing? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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