If you have ever been online before (and I am not going to assume here, but context clues lead me to believe that have) you are likely to be at least somewhat familiar with the concept of relationship goals. I am not going to bore you by over-explaining the concept of relationship goals photos, as I have done so many times already, and I do not think it is helpful at all! But, basically, “relationship goals” is the act of taking a picture of a couple–any couple, as long as they are heterosexual and conventionally attractive and usually white–and saying that it is a goal every couple on earth should be working towards.
Instead, I will just say that I hate them. The only justification I need to back this up, I think, is right here in this photo:
I mean, fine. Whatever. Corniness isn’t a crime. I am all for letting people enjoy the things they want to enjoy, I guess, and I understand that it is pointless to complain about something that doesn’t necessarily have any effect on me or my lifestyle, other than making my eyes roll back so hard into my head whenever I see them that I fear I may cause myself permanent cranial damage. It’s just that I do not think that the majority of people who choose to post a “relationship goals” photo are, um, mentally sound, necessarily.
I have also begun to suspect that many relationship goals photos aren’t even real. Not so much in the sense that they are over-posed, exactly (because literally every single relationship goals photo is), but more so in the sense that they genuinely never happened in the first place. So, what I am trying to say here is: Wake up, sheeple! They’re staged! This is my the-moon-landing-never-happened conspiracy theory!!
Anyway, check out these relationship goals posts that, in all likelihood, never actually happened:
1. This should never happen and, thankfully, I truly don’t think it ever has:
2. I want to believe, but I…can’t. This couple would have a joint YouTube channel by now if they actually existed, right?
3. No. You found a picture of a pillow fort online and posted it on your own account for your own personal gain, my man:
4. Not quite sure what to make of this one, but I do know that there’s no way it ever happened!
5. Who is this man?
6. Who is THIS man? Attribution is so vital!
7. This is…plausible? Maybe? But even so, what kind of denigrate stands behind an ailing, old couple long enough to hear this entire exchange and take a picture of them, presumably without their consent? I reject this!
9. As Henry James once said, “absolutely whose mans is this?”
12. Absolutely not:
13. The emojis very nearly sold me on this one:
14. FICTIONAL HANNAH DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER:
15. That’ll do, “Luke.” That’ll do:
What do you think of these goals? Do you think any of them actually did happen? Let us know in the comments!