Ask A Guy: What To Do If A Guy Gets An Erection Around You

Hey Joel,
I was wondering if you could help me with a slightly embarrassing question.

I do competitive debate and they just hired a new coach for my team. He’s young, only four years older than me, and incredibly smart. I’m realizing that we might flirt with each other.

The thing is, last time we worked together, I’m pretty sure he got an erection. He covered it up with a chair… I pretended not to notice. I didn’t say anything because I know guys can’t always control when it happens. I guess I am a little confused about what this means.

Full disclosure, I’m also embarrassed by the fact that I like him. He’s my coach. I know that’s a big mistake. In honesty, I just haven’t met someone who shares the same interests as I do. I know I could just be impressed with his knowledge paired with his extremely attractive physique in contrast to some of the Yahoo’s on my team.

So, first of all, I want to learn how to end this weird flirting thing that’s going on. And, on a broader scale, is there proper etiquette for what to do if a guy gets an erection around you? Also, should I report this to anyone?

Thanks for your help!


There are a number of factors that could lead your next steps, as the situation is about as complex as it gets. Depending on your reality, and how you see the future, you need to choose wisely and stick to your plan.

First off, if you’re in high school, just stop. Not only is it likely illegal given the age range, but it is 100% in violation of his contract and several state laws. Regardless of what state you live in, ANY sort of romantic interaction between students and staff is strictly forbidden. So if you are in high school, your answer is forget it, move on, and keep your interactions to debate team stuff only.

Now, if you’re in college, the reality is totally different, as you’re both consenting adults and the laws applying to high schools are irrelevant. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you guys grabbing coffee or something like that, and seeing if there’s really anything beyond a crush. There’s a chance you two are just caught up in the moment, so a non-debate related date is essential.

Regardless of which situation you’re in, there’s actually a lot you can learn from the situation. The feelings you’re expressing for him seem valid, and it’s an indication of the type of things you should look for in other guys. Beyond your shared interest in debate, think about his personality and the way he acts. I’ve no doubt you can find similar characteristics in other guys, and this knowledge will help in finding better boyfriends.

Insofar as his unexpected erection is concerned: it happens. If guys could prevent the untimely erection, we would. The only thing you need to do in a situation like this (when you’re with someone you feel comfortable with) is laugh it off. But again, if you’re in high school, this is beyond inappropriate. If you’re past high school, enjoy the fact that you’ve got a hilarious story for your friends.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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