I’m 16-years-old and I’ve never been in a relationship (I’m cis gender and heterosexual). It feels like everyone around me is getting into relationships, especially in school, and it drives me crazy that no boys ever pay attention to me. Although I try to do everything right whenever I develop a crush, things never work out. I’m fairly outgoing and confident and I never have a problem with making the first move, but I sometimes wish that someone made the first move on me too! There is not one boy I know who has/has had a crush on me. I know I should be enjoying the single life and trust me, I am, but it’s just that this entire situation makes me feel a little insecure and unattractive. I can’t understand why I’m not able to attract boys; my looks are average, but I dress well, I have a strong personality and I’m also fairly talented. Can you please explain what I might be doing wrong and how I can fix it?
Not to try to downplay your struggles at all, but this feeling is something many of us can relate to. We’ve all had streaks where it feels like no one is interested in us, and maybe no one will ever be interested in us. And honestly? It really, really sucks.
One of the harsh truths about dating is that things won’t always be hot. There won’t always be someone you like, or someone who likes you. It can feel pretty crappy to feel like there’s no one out there who has a crush on you, but you have to remember two things: one, you are amazing with or without someone else’s validation, and two, it WILL happen, you just don’t know when. The good news is that you already seem to know how amazing you are, and that is so great! You have to stay confident and happy with yourself no matter who does or doesn’t have a crush on you, so pat yourself on the back for being able to recognize all of the great qualities about yourself.
You want to know what you’re doing wrong, and honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong – and not only that, but sometimes it has nothing to do with you! You could do everything right and still not get exactly what you want, something that is true for everything in life, not just dating. I don’t have an explanation for why guys don’t like you right now. Sometimes that’s just how it is!
So, my advice might be a little frustrating, but here it is: keep doing what you’re doing. Talk to the guys you’re interested in, be outgoing, hang with your friends, go out and meet new people, and keep doing what makes you happy. It’s totally understandable that you want a relationship or someone to pursue you, but you can’t force that kind of thing – you just have to wait for it to happen. Waiting doesn’t have to suck, though – just focus on yourself and enjoy yourself right now. You’ll have days where you feel sad that no one is flirting with you or trying to get you to go out, but it’s okay. We’ve all been there, and you will get through it.
One day, someone will really like you, and they’ll make a move on you, and things will fall into place. Some people start dating early on and that world just seems to come easily to them. For others, it’s slower and requires more patience. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you at all. It’s just the way the world works, as annoying as that is to here. So keep doing you, being positive, and having fun. Eventually, things will work out.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org