Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time on Pinterest. It’s not my fault! I enjoy DIY face masks. I recently moved from a tiny room in Brooklyn to another, slightly less tiny room that is also in Brooklyn, and need to figure out a way to organize my things in this room that, though it feels like it has a surplus of space, does not happen to have a closet. Plus, a girl’s gotta eat, and eating is one of the best ways to figure out how to do so is on Pinterest, since it has what feels like multitudes of cheap, easy recipes that even a poor simpleton such as myself can figure out.
This is not Pinterest #sponcon. I came here today to discuss one of the best and worst parts of Pinterest, which is that every time you visit the page, it shows you an assortment of random pins from boards you do not subscribe to and did not search for, based, I assume, on things you have searched for in the past. Sometimes it’s helpful, since it shows you pins that you wouldn’t have come across otherwise. Other times? Not so much.
The other day, I came across this (EDNOS/ body image trigger warning):
Absolutely not, my people! If I’ve seen this, you probably have too, and “hip dips” is not a term I will accept sneaking into either my Pinterest feed or the overall cultural vernacular the way that “thigh gap“ and “thighbrows“ have. It’s bad. Not the picture itself, obviously, but the fact that the term “hip dip” is not one that should exist at all. Like, you wouldn’t have noticed this supposed dip at all if it hadn’t been given a name, right? Like thigh gaps and thigh brows, this is basically a way to point out a natural part of your body that, in most cases, is totally beyond your control and can’t actually be gained or eliminated through any kind of exercise or diet. (Thigh gaps, for example, are almost entirely determined by genetics and the structure of your pelvis.)
Anyway, the point here is that you absolutely should not feel bad about parts of your body that you can’t actually control, and anyone who tries to make you feel that way is more or less actively evil. Even if you could control them, it’s not something worth spending a ton of time on actively trying to alter. It’s just your body. Everyone has one. So, here are some things that, according to Pinterest, are wrong with your body.
1. The skin on your hips:
There are…a lot of posts about hip dips. Don’t let it faze you–it’s pretty much something that happens when you have skin. And a skeleton. AKA a body. I wouldn’t worry about it!
2. Your skeleton:
“Violin hips” is another word for hip dips? I don’t know. Again, if you have a body, you probably have something like this, so, you know. Don’t bother yourself about whether or not guys like it.
3. The skin on your face:
4. The wrinkles that you can’t see yet, but kind of have to assume are already there, I guess:
5. Your neck?
6. …Whatever it is that this exercise is supposed to fix:
7. The legs you do not have independently, apparently, and must grow through this series of exercises:
(You have legs, I promise.)
8. So that you may one day gain thighbrows:
Excuse me, “#thighbrows.”
9. Your “side fat:”
WHAT SIDE. WHERE. WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS MONTAGE A DIFFERENT PERSON. DOESN’T EVERYONE HAVE SOME SORT OF SIDE FAT SO PROMISING TO GET RID OF IT IS IRRESPONSIBLE.
10. Your aura, which you must cleanse by doing this special exercise:
11. Armpit fat:
12. Bra bulge????
No. Everyone has this. Your boobs are fine. Your bra is fine. Your bulge is fine. You’re fine.
What do you think of these things? Did I miss any good ones? Let us know in the comments!