If you’ve been spending weeks, months, or even years waiting for your crush to approach you, maybe it’s not about them – maybe it’s about the vibe you’re giving off. It’s totally possible that you seem intimidating, which for a lot of people, is another way of saying “unapproachable.” Being intimidating is not a bad thing, but it can make people feel extra nervous around you – if you seem super cool and busy, your crush might be too nervous to strike up a conversation. Another vibe that would push someone away? Acting standoffish, which can also come from feeling really shy and nervous. It’s hard to turn off either of these things, especially when you don’t really realize you’re doing them.
So how do you go against your nature and try to become more approachable? We’ve got a few ideas. Sometimes, getting someone to see you as friendly, open, and easy to talk to means getting out of your comfort zone or changing up your body language. You can never force anyone to talk to you, but you can make things easier on other people – especially the person you like. Here are a few ways to make your crush want to approach you. You don’t know for sure if that’s why they haven’t tried having a conversation yet, but hey – it doesn’t hurt to try!
When In Doubt, Grab A PropYou don't have to get literal pineapples with sunglasses to make a statement. Give yourself something to get approached about. Whether it's a concert tee, a team hat, a shirt with a funny phrase, or a good book that you carry around, it helps if you have an obvious conversation starter on your person. Maybe you like the same stuff! Who knows? Start by being more visible about the stuff you *do* like and see how they respond. Source: iStock
Free Yourself From Your Friend GroupWhether you're joined at the hip with your bestie or you roll up to a party with a crew of your core group of friends, when it comes to approaching you, it's easy to see why your crush doesn't come up to you. They don't want to interrupt anything! If your body language and behavior suggests that you're only interested in speaking to your friends, good luck getting anyone else to approach you. Instead, separate for temporary bits of time and check back in if you have to later in the night. In general, the best situation to be approached in is when you're in a group of three people and none of you are super tight with each other. No presumedly intense private conversation with just one other person, minus the anxiety of saying "hi" to a massive group of people. Perfect!Source: iStock
Nix The Self Deprecating HumorLook, I get it. You want to communicate that you're cool enough to dig on yourself and make jokes about your shortcomings, but seriously think about it. What kind of situation does that put your crush in? What are they even supposed to say after you call yourself "literally the most boring person ever?" It can either feel like a compliment-trap, or like you only want to be their friend. What a weird position to be in. Sure, be vulnerable with someone, but don't show your vulnerable side that also low-key hates yourself. Save that for your friends, not people who give you butterflies.Source: iStock
Don't Hide Yourself Away, Even If It's AwkwardIf you hide every time you see your crush - stop. Hiding behind your hair, looking down and away, slouching, crossing your arms, looking at your phone, looking everywhere except at the person you want to approach you... that's never going to work. You don't seem mysterious or busy, you just look like you're NOT interested in them! Not what you want at all. To put it simply, if you want this person to approach you, make it look like that'd be a good thing for them to do and that you'd be game for it. Honestly, it might feel awkward as hell to maintain eye contact a few beats longer than when you actually want to look away. Don't play it off or play it cool, let them in and let them catch you noticing them. It makes approaching you a whole lot easier.Source: iStock
Lighten Up A LittleAs someone with "resting bitch face" (that term needs to die) and who's rarely out of her leather jacket, I know that I need to do a little extra legwork in order to seem approachable. Chances are good you know it if this is your issue, too. But, it's good advice for everyone: make a conscious effort to smile and be a little less weighed down by life and you'll be surprised by how many people flock to you, not just your crush. Of course, they'll come, too. Remember not to complain or be a downer. You don't need one more person telling you to smile and you don't need to be full-blown bubbly if that's not in your nature, but you should at least lean in that direction.Source: iStock
Stay In The Middle Of The ActionGet off the couch when you're at a party! No more hanging around the fringes of the dance floor at homecoming. Really get in the middle of the action, right where the fun is happening. Get as involved as you feel comfortable with, but get in the middle of where the most action is taking place so that approaching you feels like it's part of the whole event and less of a deliberate, "Hey, let me go talk to this girl, very specifically, right now. Watch me walk out of my way to talk to her." Stay where it's easy for people to casually approach you. Done and done.Source: iStock
Try To Look Less Coupled UpIs your best friend a dude? Okay, do you hang out in a mostly male friend group? Or a cluster of fellow queer girls? Totally fine if you do, but are you vocally and visibly communicating "Hey, none of these people are the person I'm dating and I'm currently single, you should ask me out right now"? Didn't think so. Whether you mean to or not, ask yourself if you look like you could be interested in or dating someone you're close with and socialize with frequently. Even if everyone knows you're just friends, it's better to be safe and clear about it than to sit in the agony of an unrequited crush forever. Be a little less touchy-touchy with your bff for a bit and your crush will see their window to approach you.Source: iStock
Are you more approachable or intimidating? Do you switch it on or off when it’s a crush v. your friends? Is it worth it? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.