What To Do If You Feel Really Guilty About Masturbating

Hi Heather,

I’ve been masturbating for more than three years now. Sometimes I do it in the bathroom or before I go to sleep. Nobody knows that I do it. And I don’t want to do it anymore because I feel guilty. But at the same time, I DO want to do it, and I feel like I can’t fight that feeling. But afterwards, I regret it too much and feel like, why did I just do that? How can I control my sexual lust and stop masturbating?

giphy

What you’re feeling about your masturbating habits is more normal than you might think. Despite the fact that it’s becoming more common to discuss, female masturbation, and female sexuality as a whole, is still widely considered a taboo topic. Yes, we might throw out the word “vagina” in every other sentence on Gurl.com, and Tumblr might be full of woke girls who aren’t afraid to say they’re horny, but the Internet is only one corner of the world. Society as a whole is still not open to female masturbation or sexual feelings in the way they are open to male masturbation or sexual feelings.

This stigma doesn’t just lead to the overuse of the word “slut” or silly plotlines in movies – it can also seriously damage women emotionally, even if they don’t realize it’s happening. Like, for example, you. Not that you are emotionally damaged! It’s just that you were clearly taught that masturbation and sexual pleasure is wrong for you, and so when you indulge in it because of your natural urges, you feel guilty and terrible. That is… all sorts of effed up.

You deserve sexual pleasure. You are allowed to feel horny. You are allowed to feel so horny that you masturbate. You’re allowed to love masturbation, to do it every day, to want to do it every day. It is healthy and normal and even necessary for some people. I know that there are a lot of people out there who might want you to believe that sex is not supposed to be pleasurable or indulgent for a woman, but that is simply not true. Nothing you’re doing, when it comes to masturbation, is wrong! Sexual urges are a part of life for the majority of the people out there, and you should absolutely not ignore them.

Ending this guilt about masturbation isn’t a two step process. It’s going to take some time for you to stop feeling guilty about your actions, and it’s also going to take a little bit of effort. Every time you regret masturbating, remind yourself that what you’re doing is okay. Make a little mantra out of it.

It’s also not a bad idea to read some ~feminist literature. There are lots of options out there, but I think it’s fun to start with memoirs that are easy to read and are very relatable. I love books like Bossypants by Tina Fey, Yes Please by Amy Poehler, #Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso, Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay, and How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran. Obviously there are lots of other books out there, but these are some that will remind you that your feelings are valid. This is about more than just masturbating, if we’re being honest here.

Please just keep telling yourself that female sexuality is okay and normal and nothing to be ashamed of. If you really, really want to stop masturbating, then do it – but it doesn’t sound like you 100 percent want to. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, girl – I promise.

Good luck!
Heather

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