Would Vaginal Glue Actually Be Useful During Your Period?

Have you ever thought, “wow, I really wish I could rub some glue on my labia during my period instead of using a pad or tampon” when it’s that time of the month? No, of course not. But that hasn’t stopped a Kansas-based chiropractor, Daniel Dopps, from creating a product that does just that. Mensez is meant to replace pads, tampons, and menstrual cups with an adhesive that one would apply to the labia; it comes in a lipstick-like application.

No, I’m not joking.

Here’s a quote directly from Dopp’s LinkedIn about the product-to-be:

“Mensez LipStick when applied to the labia minora, creates a seal that is perspiration and blood proof but it breaks down instantly with urine, retaining menstrual fluid in the vagina until urinatation [sic]. Upon urinating the seal releases and allows the urine along with the menstrual fluid to exit into the toilet. Think of it as potty training the period, cleaner, healthier, more secure, less risk of infections.”

Yes, it’s an adhesive that is strong enough to remain undeterred by sweat and blood but dissolves when urine touches it. Yes, it’s an adhesive for your vagina. Yes, this is really happening.

sideeye

If your mouth is hanging open, trust me, you’re not alone.

Can someone tell me how urine is the key to releasing the vaginal seal when the urethra and the vaginal opening are in two completely different locations down there? Anyone who has ever peed with a tampon in knows urine doesn’t really interact with any part of the tampon (aside from the string, if you don’t move it out of the way). So…what gives?

Mensez Facebppl

Mensez Facebook

I hoped this was all just a clever attempt at trolling the public with a fake product to get attention. Part of me still wants to believe that’s the case, but I’m less convinced after seeing that there’s a patent and after reading a Forbes interview with Dopps himself.

Looks like Mensez is the real deal, but why?

It’s clear that Dopps–and many cis-gender men with penises–truly do not know a damn thing about what menstruation is actually like. For example, check out this quote from that Forbes piece, in which he justifies the need for his product: “It makes more sense than putting the plug up there…we’re using the vagina like a bladder just like tampons do.”

confused math woman gif

What to tackle first: The fact that Dopps seems to think that tampons act as some kind of stopper as opposed to an absorption mechanism or Dopps’ apparent belief that the vagina acts in any way like the urethra? They’re both, um, bad. But to make matters worse, this vaginal glue inventor thinks he knows everything there is to know about vaginas, menstruation, and women in general, as evidenced by a response he made to a woman on the product’s official Facebook page:

“[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.”

Oh.

Regarding the backlash about Mensez, Dopps told Forbes, “a lot of the LGBT community, lesbians in particular, are furious at me because I’m a white straight man.” But he made sure everyone knew that he wasn’t a bigot because, “My receptionist is a lesbian.”

white-guy-blinking-gif

So, let’s see: Misogynist thinks women are dumb for plugging up their vaginas, so he invents an invention that glues their vaginal lips together to hold in all that blood as to avoid distraction and boost creativity. He then makes sure to blast the LGBT community but reassures reactionaries by asserting that some of his best receptionists are lesbians.

What on earth?

Okay, weirdo aside, this product doesn’t in any way, shape, or form appear to be feasible or comfortable. Sure, pads can feel awful, tampons can be a pain, and menstrual cups can be high maintenance. But they all sound better than the idea of nothing but glued skin coming between my menstrual flow and a pair of undies. We’re really supposed to believe that it’s leak proof? Is it even safe for urination to be the only solution that can unbind it?

carrie blood

Mensez claims to want to help move women into the 21st century with its product, but the seemingly quack science behind the product sounds like it hails from the 19th century. I don’t know about you, but if Mensez ever arrives in stores, I can safely say that I won’t wouldn’t waste a single dime on it. I’d prefer my menstrual products to actually be designed by people who aren’t obviously sexist AF and seem to know how the vagina, menstruation, and urethra actually work. Is that too much to ask?

 

What do you think about this product? Do you think it might actually work? Would you ever try it? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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