Ask A Guy: How To Tell If Someone Is Actually Interested In You As More Than A Friend

Hey Joel,

So I’ve known this guy on my swim team for all of high school and now we’re both seniors. We didn’t start becoming friends until States when we made an inside joke and this joke kept going on for a month, almost a text a day about the joke. We’ve started texting and snapchatting actual conversations now, but I’m not sure if we’re just friends or if he’s interested in me. He doesn’t reply to my messages or snaps soon (sometimes a few days at a time) but he always sounds nice and excited to talk to me when he does. He offhandedly asked me to go to the music store with him and we went and it was slightly awkward cause we had never hung out together by ourselves. he’s usually loud and flirty but he was more quiet and reserved. I couldn’t tell if it was a friendly hangout or a date. He is very social and popular, but very nice and I can’t tell if he sees me as just a new friend or something more. What does it mean when he doesn’t message me for a long time, but is always nice and friendly?


For what it’s worth, it sounds like you have a very solid start to a great relationship on your hands, and I think you need to try and put a more positive spin on things. It many areas, I think you’re reading too much into the situation, and maybe just need to be a bit more confident and go get what you want.

I totally get how agonizing it can be to wait what seems like forever to get a response to a message, but he may not be as locked into social media as other people. He may not be constantly checking his phone, or on the flip side, he may be a bit nervous (in a good way) about responding. If he’s into you (which it sounds like he is), he may be choosing his words very carefully because he doesn’t want to mess things up.

The transition from teammates and pals to a real relationship is tricky, especially given the amount of shared bonding and history you two already have. However, those moment also work completely to your advantage, as there’s plenty to talk and laugh about. It’s really just a matter of giving things time to settle in this new light, and letting those feelings build.

It really sounds like the trip to the music store was just a typical slightly-awkward first date, and I wouldn’t let it discourage you from pursuing him further. Seriously – there always has to be a first time you hang out when it’s not about swimming or school, and you’ve made it through that. The precedent for the two of you hanging out alone is set, so it shouldn’t be weird to float the idea of getting together again.

As I see it: you need to go after what you want. Call him up and make a date to go do something fun, and it should be way less awkward and tons of fun.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

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  • Tina

    I have a friend that I have known since 5th grade (I am in 7th) his locker is right next to mine and he is always really nice to me. We first meet bc our dads were friends so we hung out. Then I went to his house bc my parents so we did our homework then we went outside and played in the snow together. It was awkward at first but then I started to think. And then I noticed that I am actually”me” around him. Like I am not afraid to show who I really am around him. And I don’t know if he likes me or not. But he let me sit on his bed and play his game. Which I have to say was really really awkward. So I don’t know if he likes me or not but I think he does.

    • Gert Jan Van der Gugten

      I am a guy and i would never just do things like that with just an ordinary girl.. As far as i can tell he would really like to be with you in a relationship perhaps but he doesn’t really make the first move. I waited very long and always hoped she would approach me first. My hint for you is just ask him out on a date and do things like you do already and tell him that he is the only person where you can be you and he will be flattered and know that you like him more than “just a friend” and he will probably take the lead from there but that’s just my experience. I’m native dutch don’t hate on grammar please <3. Best of luck!