We get a lot of questions from you guys about dreams. Specifically, dreams about people–usually other girls–that result in, uh, some kissing. And maybe some other stuff. You know, a sex dream. The question, following a dream like this, usually goes something like this: “Does this mean I’m gay? Is there something wrong with me?”
This is totally fair! There is obviously nothing wrong with being a girl who is into girls, but having a sexy dream about someone can feel totally weird and disorienting, whether you’ve thought about them in a sexualized sense before or not. I am not a licensed clinical psychologist, and I do not know you or anything about you, so I cannot tell you if a dream you had about someone really means something significant. I can, however, tell you what dreams can mean, so you can connect the dots and put everything together for yourself.
So, let’s talk–what do dreams even mean?
Here is a personal anecdote: I almost never recall my own dreams unless they are of the nightmare variety, so, if I want to remember one of my non-horrifying dreams (I have this one recurring nightmare in which my bed turns into an ocean and I have to tread water to survive until I wake up???? It’s awful and probably symbolic!!!) I have to write them down. I usually don’t! But, when I was in sixth grade, I kept a Klutz Dream Journal with an obsessive level of commitment, which means that every dream I had between 2004-2005 is on record. Including, unfortunately, this one about Lord Of The Rings:
found my dream journal from sixth grade and unfortunately I had at least one dream about lord of the rings in 2005 pic.twitter.com/XE1BzhqB0Q
— Sara Hendricks (@shendrickslamar) September 4, 2016
This is what brings me to the overall point of this piece: Did dreaming about Lord Of The Rings mean that I wanted to have sex with those rugged, sensual hobbits and/or humans? Well, probably, even though my pre-adolescent mind was more or less incapable of expressing this desire. But, more to the point, the Lord Of The Rings franchise was something that I spent a lot of time thinking about in a non-sexual sense, and, since it occupied a lot of my thoughts, it made sense that some of these thoughts would dribble over into my subconscious. So, much like a tweet by Jaden Smith, dreams can mean everything, nothing, or something in between–but, most commonly, dreaming about someone just means that they are on your mind in some sense.
But, like, answer my question. If I have a sexy dream about a girl–or anyone, really–does this mean that I actually want to have sex with them?
Again–I can’t really tell you this. But instead of hyperfocusing on the dream itself, try and think about how you feel now that it’s over. Are you disappointed? Relieved? Confused? This can’t determine everything–you need to think about how you feel with them when you actually hang out, not just in the dream or its aftermath–but analyzing your reaction can help you figure out how you really feel. Basically, it doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to, but if you find that you keep thinking about this person after you dream about them, this could mean something.
What if I dream about someone who I know I never think about?
It’s pretty common to have weird-ass dreams about weird-ass people to whom you know you have little to no personal connection with. this could be a teacher, a boss, your friend, your friend’s boyfriend, your friend’s girlfriend, or that random person you met at a party the other day. You get the idea. Again, if you feel a deep, strong connection with them after the fact, you can think about what your dream really meant. But chances are good that it’s just a result of your brain working through the thoughts it’s encountered, and that person just happened to be in the right spot at the right time to be featured in a sex dream.
If you feel weird around them for a few days, that’s normal–dreams can feel visceral and realistic, so it’s pretty typical to feel a little cringey around them later on.
Just ride it out! You should feel normal again after a couple of days.
If I dream about someone, does this mean that they are thinking about me?
That would be nice! But, sadly, no–usually, dreaming about someone just means that you were the one thinking about them.
Okay. So, having a dream about a girl really doesn’t mean I’m into girls?
Not at all. You could be into girls, of course, but this wouldn’t hinge on one dream alone. You don’t control your dreams, and your dreams don’t literally reflect what you’re thinking or experiencing in your daily life. So, don’t totally discount a dream–the way you feel about it afterwards could be a clue to what’s going on with you–but you don’t need to assign a ton of importance to it, either.
Sometimes, a dream is just a dream.
Do you have dreams about random people? Do you like having these dreams, or does it make you feel weird? Let us know in the comments!