Let’s not kid ourselves: A lot of us have felt like The Ugly Friend more times than we want to admit.
I know how it goes. You’re a straight girl and you’re hanging out with a friend, who is also a straight girl. Maybe you’re at a party, maybe you’re out shopping, maybe you’re coming out of class, and a guy or two comes along to strike up a conversation. You immediately feel it, this sense that you’re invisible, even though you’re standing right there. The guys are feigning a conversation that you’re involved in too, but all the focus is on your friend, who always gets the guys’ attention.
You feel like a blob of nothing next to her, and it sucks.
If it’s any consolation, you’re definitely not alone. A lot of us have experienced that self-esteem blow more times than we can count, and it’s easy to get caught up in a hate-filled spiral of “OMG no guy will ever like me ever.” Chin up, girl, and check out these seven things you need to remember whenever you feel like the ugly friend.
Stop Giving Guys So Much Power Over How You FeelA lot of guys are, uh, how do I put this…not great? You’re probably assuming that you’re missing out on a lot more than you actually are. Do not give these random dudes more credit or praise or admiration than they deserve. In reality, you're just missing out on another f**kboy who doesn't believe in replying to texts. That's not worth angsting about.
Why Not Let Guys Know What They're MissingFeel like you're being iced out of a conversation? Join in! Force your presence there until you can't be ignored anymore. It's no secret that guys can be judgmental assholes, so why not prove them wrong and make them feel like an idiot for underestimating how cool you are. Oh, and if they still can't tell that you're someone who is worth getting to know, that's on them, not you.
Ask Yourself: Would You Even Want To Go Out With Those Guys?Um, seriously, think about this for a second: Are you sad that you’re not being approached just for the sake of being approached? Are the dudes giving your friends attention the kidn of guys you would be attracted to in the first place? If the answer to that last question is no, then, sorry, you’re buggin’. Yes, I know, sometimes we just want to feel wanted, even if it's by someone we don't want ourselves. But do not let this mindset control how comfortable you feel in your own skin.
There's Someone Out There For Everyone, And Location Can Make A Big ImpactDon’t sell yourself short. Whether or not someone approaches you can depend on a ton of factors, especially where you’re at. Maybe if you’re at a super bro-y party and you’re not really someone who a bro would be drawn to, your friend might receive a little more love. Meanwhile, if you’re at a gig or something with that same friend, you might get a lot more attention than your slightly more preppy friend. See what I’m saying?
This Isn't Your Friend's FaultThe last thing you should do is act passive aggressive toward your friend who gets a lot of male attention. It's...not her fault, and unless she goes out of your way to rub it in your face, it's nothing for you to get mad at her about. In fact, while you're busy thinking about how lucky she is to get so many guys to talk to her, maybe she's busy thinking about your skills, skills you undervalue in yourself. Maybe she's jealous of how funny you are, or how smart you are in class, etc.
Getting Hit On Isn't Always Great; It's Often Not Fun At AllWhen I was never hit on by people, I was sort of in awe by my friends who were. Then I got older, and started to get hit on a lot more than I would have liked, by people I had zero interest in. It often borders on harrassment. That’s nothing to brag about, because it sucks, and in those moments I WISH I was the invisible one. getting hit on isn’t always great, remember that.
Maybe You Come Across As Someone Who Doesn't Want To SocializeMaybe you think you're getting ignored by people because you're unattractive. First of all, wrong, there's someone out there for everyone. SEcond of all...maybe it has nothing to do with your physical appearance at all. Maybe it has to do with your attitude. Do you come across as open and inviting to conversation? Or do you tend to act like you don't really want to be bothered. Maybe you just don't act approachable and that's the real issue.
Do you often feel like The Ugly Friend? How do you deal? Tell us in the comments!