Relationships can be nerve wracking, especially if you’re new to one. That’s always been the case. But I’d argue that we’re more neurotic about the performative nature of relationships now more than ever before. Why? Oh, social media of course. Like, it’s damn near impossible to even scroll through Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or Pinterest and not see some relationship goal or a screenshot of a funny text that someone sent to their girlfriend. There’s nothing wrong with that in theory, but let’s be real: The performative way that people go about displaying their relationships is really extra.
We poke fun at plenty of relationship goals here at Gurl, but that doesn’t negate how easy it is to feel insecure as to whether or not your own relationship measures up to the ones that you’re constantly bombarded with. Is your BF trash because he didn’t send you a bunch of roses that one time you felt bad after bombing an AP bio test? Is your girlfriend not that into you because your name doesn’t have 10 emojis in her contacts? No! But you would think so anytime you open your apps. So I’m here to reassure you that you don’t have to do these seven things to be in a good relationship. I promise.
Buying Gifts Out Of NowhereI mean, it's cute to see dudes give their girlfriends a room full of roses or, like, expensive makeup just because...but you're really not missing out on the partner of a lifetime just because yours doesn't do that. Yo, gifts cost money, and not everyone is able to afford that kind of stuff. And you can be a garbage partner in every other way except your gift game. So things =/= good partner, period. Appreciate the small stuff, not just the material. If your partner never gives you a gift on holidays, however...hm, that's grounds for being sus.
Never FightingI'm always sus when someone brags about never having arguments with their partner. Okay, excessive fighting isn't good, but we're human, and having passionate disagreements comes with the territory. And guess what: We have those disagreements with people we love all the time, and that love isn't negated because of it. You have to wonder if couples who don't fight are actually just being really passive aggressive and never let out their true feelings. That isn't a relationship goal, that's for sure.
Texting 24/7C H I L L. You don't have to be supsicious if your partner doesn't blow your phone up every two seconds, and honestly...they shouldn't feel obligated to, especially if you see each other a ton IRL. It's also worth mentioning that everyone has different texting behaviors; some people reply slowly, some quickly, others don't feel the need to reply to a text immediately while others feel as if they must do it ASAP. Know where you're at and where your partner is at so you can know what to expect from them. Oh, and have a conversation if your partner is being a little overwhelming on the texting front, but also be willing to change your behavior if you're the one who is texting too much.
Having Sex Every Time You Two Have PrivacyHey, if you two want to do it, then do it. But please, don't feel obligated to be in the mood just because you've found yourself in fortiutous circumstances. Sometimes you just don't want to do it, whether you're just not in the mood or don't really feel like taking your clothes off. This is a lot more common than you'd think.
Using Pet NamesNot going to lie, after seeing that so many people use a zillion emojis ad pet names to list their SOs in their contacts, I wondered if I was a freak for not doing the same with my BF. We all get caught up, but at the end of the day, you aren't a bad GF because you don't use pet names with your bae. Pet names aren't for everyone, and it's okay to think they're cheesy af.
Constantly Taking Photos For Social MediaHonestly, you really shouldn't take it too personally if your BF or GF doesn't always post pics of you two on social media. Don't take it personally unless you feel like you're being deliberately hidden.
Going On Vacations TogetherGurl.com editor, Jessica Booth, told me that her high school BF got mad because he wasn't invited on her family's vacation to Mexico. Um, what? It's really not too normal to go on vacations together with your bae, especially if you're still in high school. You are not Jay and Alexis IRL, and that's okay. Plus, it's a huge step in a relationship and can honestly test the strength of it, it's not something that can or necessarily should just be approached all willy nilly. You have time to vacay with bae, don't rush things. It's not that deep.
What other things can you do and still be in a good relationship? Tell us in the comments!