I was a virgin until my 20s, which isn’t totally unheard of, but it doesn’t exactly represent the average young adult either. While I wasn’t thirsting to lose my v-card any earlier, I was a little surprised by people’s reactions when they found out that I’d never had sex before. I mean, I wasn’t naive! I knew that the average person my age had done it before, and I’ve seen enough teen movies about people desperately trying to get rid of their virginity to understand that there’s a stigma against people who are virgins beyond their teen years. But damn.
If you’re a virgin past your teen years, it’s important to know what to expect in the realm of dating and, well, annoying stereotypes that’ll be hurled your way. Check out these seven cold hard truths about being a virgin after 18, and honestly…don’t sweat it. You’ll lose your v-card eventually, hopefully with someone who won’t give you a hard time about it.
People Are Going To Assume That You're ClingyYeah, I experienced this and…it sucks. This is especially likely to happen if you’re a straight cis-girl who is dating a straight-cis guy. Why? Because there are so many gendered assumptions about girls who are virgins, namely that they’ll fall hopelessly in love with the first guy they have sex with. Honestly, guys shouldn’t flatter themselves so much. I’m sure the D probably isn’t THAT good. I’m not saying clinginess doesn't happen, because it does. But that has more to do with personality than anything else; it's not a default feature of being a young woman who is a virgin. Either way, be prepared for people to make this assumption.
You're Going To Have To Figure Out Whether Or Not To Disclose Your V-Card Status To Your 'First'This is something awkward you're going to grapple with, and it's something I never even gave much thought to until the moment actually came when I was getting really close to my current BF. Do you tell them you're a virgin or not? A friend of mine didn't before her first time, and that's fine. Personally, I let my partner know because I didn't want to look totally clueless. The choice is yours.
Your Expectations Are Going To Be Higher Than They Should BeThink you've got low expectations? LOL, well, honestly, you might need to set them even lower before your first time. Trust me, the first time sucks for virtually everyone on the planet, and it'll probably be even more awkward and uncomfortable than you imagined. Friends' anecdotes and bad porn doesn't prepare you for the real deal.
People Might Think There's Something Off About YouActually, I’d argue that male adult virgins are more likely to have this assumed of them. But trust, girls aren’t out of the woods either. Be prepared for someone to react with disparaging shock if you let them know you’re a virgin. They might assume that you’re just a virign because you’re secretly socially awkward or some kind of weirdo, as if that’s what virginity rides on (no pun intended).
You've Got Some Catching Up To DoYou just do. Yes, there are 15-year-olds who are more advanced when it comes to sex than you are. You might very well have sex with someone who has been having sex for years and is pretty experienced. Yeah, that's...a little awkward when you're coming into the ring as a total rookie, but it's going to be okay. Don't go crazy over trying to act like some sort of sexpert when you're not. Everybody gets on the same (or similar) pages eventually. It’s going to take time, and if you’re with a trusting, loving partner, they’ll get that.
People Will Assume You Don't Know About Your Body Sexually, Don't Let Them Be RightYo, please, don’t use sex as the only time to explore your body, orgasms, etc. It’s not, and it shouldn’t be. Masturbate, read up on sex, find out what makes you have an orgasm and what doesn’t. This is all essential to helping you out when you finally do get intimate with a partner.
You're Not As Alone As You ThinkThere. Are. So. Many. Virgins. Over. Eighteen. I promise you. After I started writing a column about being a virign in my 20s, I had so many people message me letting me know that they’re in the same boat. I even had friends let me in on their little secrets, friends I just blindly assumed lost their v-card ages ago. See how these assumptions work?
What’s the hardest thing about being a virgin past your teens for you? Tell us in the comments!