Well, I guess the time has come to talk about chodes. I did not think that this day would come so soon–who among us would think such a thing?–yet, the day has arrived, and we must talk. There are a number of reasons why you have ended up on this page. There is the most obvious answer, which is, of course, that you do not know what a chode is and have come to find out. Or maybe you already know what the word “chode” means, but still felt compelled to click on the post for its titillation factor alone. Or, perhaps, you were searching for that One Direction “chonce” meme, but your fingers slipped a little, and, next thing you knew, you were here.
Here’s a consolation video if that is the case for you:
Ah. Yes. Anyway, let’s talk chodes.
Is it okay that I don’t know what a chode is?
Yep! In fact, I did not know what a chode was until my first semester of college. (For any of you who happen to know what a chode is already and are just reading along for sport, this story is not going where you think it is.) I was leaving the dining hall with a friend, when she stopped at the basket by the door where there would be apples and bananas for us to take with us. She rifled through the selection, picked up a banana, then threw it down.
“Ugh,” she said. “These are chode bananas.”
I did not know what this word–“chode”–meant, and, technically, I could have asked her to explain it to me. But despite attending a liberal arts school where I had been told many times in my first semester alone that my thirst for knowledge was supposed to direct me to ask questions wherever I went in the pursuit of an expanded mind, no matter what the cost might be, I sensed that asking a new friend for a definition of the word “chode,” which had just been used in reference to a banana, had to be phallic in some way, and thus, it was also sure to be mortifying to reveal my ignorance towards. So, I did what any person in my position would do–went back to my dorm room, opened my laptop, went into Incognito mode, and typed the word “chode” into my search bar.
I saw some bad things! But I also learned what a chode was that day, and, with that knowledge, became imbued with a true passion for a self-guided liberal arts spirit.
Okay. Cool. Thanks for that lengthy personal anecdote. But just what is a “chode?”
I’m so glad you asked! The most common definition for the word “chode” (which can also be spelled “choad”) is, per Urban Dictionary, “A penis wider than it is long.” And, uh, that’s it. I’ll allow you to imagine it on your own. It is often used as a rude-ish insult in the same way that “douchebag” and “tool” would be.
But this is where things get interesting (well, as interesting as things can get in the Chode Discourse, anyway). Many other people believe, ardently, that the term “chode” is actually meant to apply to the area of skin between one’s anus and testicles (in fact, there is an incredibly rude Urban Dictionary definition that I do not feel comfortable quoting because it is so rude, but will link to here).
Personally, I think this opinion is trash–that part of the body is called a “taint” and nothing else. But there I go again, getting all wrapped up in Chode Discourse! Just use the term however you see fit. Use geographical and contextual cues to guide you. I don’t know.
Are chodes real?
Most likely, no. If you, uh, manifest the image of a chode in your mind, chances are good that it’s hard to imagine it actually existing on a human person.
Chodes are more of an imaginary friend than something that is really, truly real. You may, in your life, come across a person who has a penis that is short and thick (sorry sorry sorry), but, if we’re being technical here, it cannot actually be a chode unless it is wider than it is long. (And, for the record, do not say the word “chode” in front of this person, no matter how chode-like you find their penis to be! It will probably make them sad.)
Is it possible that there is one person on this earth with genitalia that might rightfully be called a chode? Sure, but it’s more on the “possible” side than the “probable” one. At press time, at least, no verified instances of a real life chode had been recorded.
Should I do a Google image search of the word “chode,” just to be sure?
What about Bing, or any other viable search engine competitor?
Aww, why not?
Look, I can’t tell you what to do. But just because real-life chodes probably do not exist, this does not mean that there are not real-life rando dudes who like to take pictures of their penis and put some good SEO on it so it comes up in any and all image sources on the internet. You’re learning all you need to learn right here! Stay here.
Should I call the people in my life–take, for example, my close friends, teachers, and grandparents–chodes?
Probably not? I mean, I don’t know your life. Maybe your grandma has always wanted to be called a chode, as a sign of respect. But, for the most part, I’d be cautious about throwing this word around in public. It’s not a bad word, per se, nor is it really a slur, but it’s not, like, nice. You can probably say it to your friends without getting in trouble, but if your teacher overhears you, you’ll either get a stern look or a lunch detention depending on how strict your school is, you know?
Basically, use your discretion. Which is good for any situation, really, but especially when using the word chode.
Well, how do you feel about chodes now? Were your questions answered? Let us know in the comments!