Perhaps the most frustrating thing about sex, other than somebody walking in, is not being able to orgasm. It feels a little anti-climactic when you spend all this time building up to it and then it just…doesn’t happen. It’s super frustrating and pretty discouraging when everybody talks about how great having an orgasm is, but you can’t have one. If this is happening to you, just know that you’re not alone!
Recently, user payton12219 came to our boards with a problem. She wrote, “My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months now. I’ve never reached orgasm before him (on my own) and he fingers me regularly, but I still can’t reach it with him. It confuses him, and it frustrates me. A lot of forums online say girls are more focused on reaching orgasm than enjoying the feeling, and once you get your mind off of it then it’s really easy! I still haven’t been able to reach it. I’m scared when we have sex soon/eventually, I won’t reach it then either and I will be disappointed. Any advice?”
First of all, this is really common and not anything to stress about. That being said, it’s okay if you are stressing, since it can be a super annoying situation. Obviously, you’re the only one who really knows your body well enough to figure out what’s going on, but here are some tips that might help you have an orgasm next time you and bae are fooling around. Check out what our girls said, and remember to relax!
Enjoy Other Parts Of SexShellyB said, "However you can enjoy sex without orgasming also! For me, most of the time during sex it's like a plateau where I feel really good but not quite orgasming. That isn't bad, I mean, I feel really good like I said! Also it makes you feel close to the other person and connects you emotionally (particularly when he orgasms) if that is something you want." Sex isn't only about orgasming! It's about getting comfortable with your body and enjoying yourself. Try to enjoy the other aspects of sex, like spending time with your bae. Image Source: iStock
Try It On Your OwnGemma1 said, "You have to explore to find on your own what feels best, and what makes you reach orgasm, and then you have to tell him when you're together what to do, how fast, slow, gentle, or hard, and when. We're all different, and you can't leave it up to him to guess. My main recommendation is to take a break from intimate contact by him, because it's frustrating you. You need to spend some time totally private and relaxed. " IMPORTANT! Being with a partner can be nerve wracking and scary. If you masturbate on your own first and try to orgam that way, you can learn how to tell your partner exactly what you want! Image Source: iStock
Take It Slowdanasi said, "Don't be in a hurry, you're too concentrated on orgasm. Just relax and enjoy that physical pleasure the way it is. If you don't feel any pain, it's just the matter of time. Be attentive to your body, touch it and find your pleasure zones." You shouldn't rush these things. It will happen when it happens! If you can't orgasm, try taking a break and focusing only on what feels good, not orgasming. Don't be afraid to take it slow. Image Source: iStock
Listen To What Your Body WantsShellyB said, "I can get orgasms pretty easily masturbating. Like I'd say, 75% of the time if there are no interruptions. With masturbation, you can go faster, or slower, or take a little break, or have whatever fantasy you want at that moment, vs another person being involved it's harder sometimes to change rapidly based on what your body wants." Bodies are pretty complicated, but if you really focus on yourself, you should be able to figure out exactly what you want. Try different speeds, try a vibrator, do whatever makes you feel good! Image Source: iStock
Don't Go In Expecting Anythingnocturnalmistress said, "Don't go into sex (or any form of intimate act) wishing for an orgasm. You will honestly never have one then. I think the next thing to do would be taking the time to explore and learn about yourself first and finding what method makes you feel the most pleasure - that way in the future you can guide your partner and let him know." She's right: the more stressed out you get about having an orgas, the less likely you are to actually have one. Remember to relax and take it slow. Image Source: iStock
Don't Worrywaterbaby said, "It's pretty normal for girls not to reach an orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. You just need to find ways to stimulate your clitoris more." I know it sucks to hear, but it really is normal to not be able to orgasm, and there is nothing wrong with you if you can't. You just need to find time to work on it! Image Source: iStock
Make A Night Of ItDanasi said, "Have a romantic evening with a lot of slow romance and touching and rubbing and kissing and all this stuff. Learn to get relaxed with him. Orgasm will come unnoticed." Sometimes, your environment can really affect how you feel when you're getting it on. Try to switch up where you and bae are, or plan a super romantic night. You might be able to orgasm if you feel more relaxed and comfortable! Image Source: iStock
Are you going to try any of these orgasm tips? Tell us in the comments!