Is It Normal For Your Boyfriend To Be Best Friends With His Ex?

Hey Heather,

My boyfriend is best friends with his ex-girlfriend. Is this normal? My friends told me that if exes remain close friends, it means they either never really loved each other or they still love each other, so I don’t know what to do. Please help me and give me advice. Their relationship is making me so jealous and I don’t know what to say.


It’s hard to answer this question, because everyone’s relationships are so different, and because I don’t know your boyfriend or his ex or any real detail about this situation. But I will say this: whenever two people break up but then remain very close, it always raises a red flag for me. That doesn’t mean something shady is always going on, but it does seem a bit unnatural when two people end a romantic relationship and continue to stay besties. Regardless of what is going on, it is natural for you to feel jealous. What you need to do is take a closer look at their relationship before you speak up.

There is a lot to consider here! For example: when did they break up and why did it happen? If they dated for a short amount of time and realized things weren’t working in a romantic sense, then had an amicable breakup, then sure, it’s possible that they found they are better off as friends and nothing more. But if they dated for a long time or had a passionate relationship, then ended things in a more turbulent way and then got super close, then it’s possible that there is something else going on. 

Here are some questions to consider: does your boyfriend choose his ex over you a lot? Does his ex get in between you two all the time? Is his ex nice to you? Do you hang out with them together? Do they hang out alone a lot? Do they text all the time? Are they flirty with each other? Do other people seem to think their relationship is a little weird too? What kind of vibe do you get from them? If your BF is acting shady with you, putting his ex first all the time, and seems very invested in his relationship with her, then maybe something weird is going on. But if he treats her like any other friend, and you just feel uncomfortable because of their history, then maybe everything is innocent. It’s hard for me to say – it’s something you have to figure out!

Regardless of what’s going on here, you need to talk to your boyfriend and be honest about your feelings. You don’t need to start a fight with ultimatums about her thrown in. Just approach him and say something like, “I want to be honest with you. I feel jealous of your friendship with your ex. Should I be worried about you guys?” Bring it up in a mature way so you guys can communicate. If he’s willing to talk it out and make things work, that’s a great sign. If he gets super defensive and angry and weird, that’s… not such a great sign.

So, as frustrating as this answer is, it’s true: these things depend on the situation. Do I personally think it’s normal for two exes to be best friends? Honestly, not really. But there are exes out there who remain important to each other, even if nothing romantic is going on, so it does happen! You just need to talk to your boyfriend about this one.

Good luck!

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Posted in: Dating, Love Advice
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  • I’m actually guilty of this one. My ex used to be my best friend but when we started dating, everything fell apart. I lost my best friend. We stopped talking. So we broke up. After a month or so we started to talk again. At the same time he has another girlfriend. I still love talking with him, cuz we’re a like in many ways. But for the sake of his girlfriend and his happiness/relationship with her, I’ve decided to back off and stoppped talking. We occasionally do talk to just not nearly as much. It hurts of course, but it’s worth it to keep him happy.
    That’s my take on it. I just want to say that sometimes, the ex is fully aware of the situation and can be considerate of it. The best way out of it is to talk to them about it