If you’re single, this time of year can feel pretty sucky. Even if you’re not looking for a relationship, at the very least, all of the lovey stuff can just be annoying AF. On the other hand, if you are holding a lifelong grudge against your awful ex, this time of year can be a great opportunity to show how great you are without that person. You don’t NEED to be in a relationship to be happy, and you can slyly show off how awesome you are without being too obvious. AKA you can be as savage as you want. As Miley Cyrus once said, you simply can’t be tamed. And when you can’t be tamed, you can get petty AF and not worry about what people think. Specifically, your ex.
Kidding aside (sort of), it’s okay to hold grudges against your ex… as long as you’re not physically harming them, of course. Maybe they treated you badly, or cheated on you, or called you awful names. And maybe your way to cope is to be petty about it. That’s cool (again, as long as you’re not hurting anyone). It can be therapeutic to shade your ex, and there are some pretty incredible ways to do that. If you do find yourself not getting over a bad breakup for years, then, maybe, it’s time to talk it out with someone. But, if you’re still reeling from an awful relationships with a crappy ex, try these savage things you can do to your former bae.
1. Name a bug after them.
Valentine’s Day is approaching. Whether that makes you cry out with joy, or flat out cry, #NameARoach is here to help. For $10 name a Bronx Zoo cockroach after your sweetie, or cement an ex’s place in history. Happy naming! Link in bio. Visit bronxzoo.com/roach. #BronxZoo #cockroach #ValentinesDay #Valentine #roach @epicurious @coffeeintheshower @hilarioushumanitarian @popsugarfood @ediblebrooklyn @timeoutnewyork @nymag @beigecardigan @betches @girlwithnojob
Weird? Yes. Therapeutic? Also yes. Maybe your ex was a roach. You might as well give them what they deserve and name a bug after them. They won’t ever have to know, so it’ll be your petty secret.
2. Sell the things they got you.
Make money off of your ex. Did they buy you a cute necklace that you’ll never be able to wear again? Sell it. There is nothing better than making a profit from a bad BF/GF.
3. Buy makeup and Instagram a FIRE selfie.
2017 is the year of treating yourself. Save up some money, buy a cute outfit and some badass lipstick, and post a selfie that will make everyone notice you, even your ex. Let them know you are doing just fine without them, thank you very much.
4. Better yet, post picture of you two, but crop them out.
Not everyone will know that your ex was in the picture, but your ex will know. Trust me.
5. Show off their fave outfit.
Did you have a ~sexy~ dress your ex-bae used to love? Wear it out. All the time. Odds are good they will see you and regret being mean to you. When they do, just ignore them. You’re better off.
6. Send an ambiguous tweet.
I don’t block people I want you to know how good I’m living without you #petty
— Desirayè (@kingdesii) January 30, 2017
Do you know that song, “You’re So Vain” where it goes “you’re so vain/ you probably think this song is about you.” The 2017 version of that is to tweet some ambiguous song lyric about hating your ex, and they will probably assume it’s about them. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But they will probably go a little crazy trying to figure it out.
7. Block their number.
This is the “high road.” If you don’t want your ex to keep texting you, block their number.
8. Share a savage meme.
Memes are, in my very honest opinion, the answer to anything and everything. Let your ex know you’re not heartbroken at all. Instead, you are LOLing at the internet, as opposed to crying over them.
9. Stay friends with their friends.
If you and your ex used to have the same friends, you don’t have to drop them just when you breakup. Stay friends with your ex’s friends to that they will know that you aren’t going to lose friends over a breakup! It shows you’re strong and mature AF. Also a little petty, especially if you invite them all to hang out without your ex. But that’s fine.
10. Unfollow them, but keep your account public.
This way, you can keep posting about how great you are doing on every social media site..and they will be able to see it.
11. Write a breakup song.
This will only work if you’re musically talented but, hey, it’s how Taylor Swift got started!
12. Go back to places you used to have dates.
Take fire pics of you and your BFFs laughing at that restaurant you and your BF used to go to all the time. Post them on the internet. You’re winning the breakup.
13. Get super successful.
Do your homework. Get into a good college. Land an awesome job. Show your ex that they were only holding you back.
14. Stay friends with their parents.
Ex boyfriend’s dad just came up and hugged me and said “sorry my son is a piece of trash”
— Matison Scarberry (@matison_bali) February 5, 2017
Just because your ex is the worst doesn’t mean you have to cut ties with their family! It’s kind of like infiltrating from the inside…their parents will love you and keep asking your ex why they were so bad to you. SAVAGE.
15. Do things that never let you do.
Example: my ex boyfriend didn’t like me listening to a certain band because I would always talk about my crush on then guitarist. So, naturally, they are now my favorite band and I post about them all the time on social media. Whoops!
When you’re out having cool AF experiences, you will have no time to think about your ex. And they will know that!
Have you done any of these savage things to your ex? Tell us in the comments!