Ask A Guy: What To Do If You HATE Your Crush’s Girlfriend

Hey Joel,

I am in love with this guy but I’m not allowed to date. He also has a girlfriend. I really like him, though, and I feel like he flirts with me. But it’s confusing because on he sends me a lot of messags on Snapchat, but at the same time he posts about his girlfriend. 

I think his GF is horrible. She thinks she’s perfect, but she’s a bully to me and other people. He doesn’t see how horrible she really is and I feel so bad for him because I feel like he will lose everything because of her. I just don’t know what to do! Can you help?


Like it or not, you need to back off – completely. Whether you agree with them or not, you have to respect the choices other people make, even your friends. The more you get involved with this situation, the worse it will end for you, as there is no way that you can come out of this as anything other than the bad person.

If you choose to step in and tell this guy that his girlfriend isn’t a good choice and he can do better, he’ll probably tell you it’s none of your business – because it isn’t. Also, he’ll likely say that you don’t know her or interact with her like he does – because you don’t. Just as you’re entitled to your opinion of this girl, so is he. But since he’s the one dating her, his opinion will likely matter more.

Also, if you say they should break up, whether things end right then or at some point down the line, you’ll be seen as part of the reason things ended. It’s not a good place to be in, especially as a friend. Add to that the fact that it sounds like you’d want to date him after, and it’s a recipe for disaster.

The bottom line is that this guy is taken. He’s off limits, and you trying to find a way to date him is actually being a bad friend. Imagine if some friend of your boyfriend was trying to steal him from you or break the two of you up. Chances are you’d get pissed and let people know what a shady character this other girl was being.

If you want to stay friends with him, you have to be comfortable with only being friends AND respecting his relationship. Like it or not, that’s the truth, and the more you try to scheme and try to intervene, the greater the chance that you lose the friendship completely.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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