As much as we talk about losing your virginity, it’s important to also talk about how you don’t have to lose it any time soon. I know there is a lot of pressure to do it, especially if everyone else is doing it and you don’t want to be left out. The topic is a little tricky: if you want to have sex, you should! But how do you know if you actually want to have sex, or if you are just doing it to follow the crowd? Odds are, if you have to ask yourself this question, you’re not actually ready to have sex. That is totally okay! You are in control of your own body, and should never feel like anybody else can tell you what to do. With that being said…it can be hard to date if you want to stay a virgin.
Recently, a user came to our boards looking for some advice on what to do after being dumped for being a virgin. User Fen said: “I’m 17. My last boyfriend dumped me for being controlling and not wanting to sleep with him, when all I did was request he respect my choice not to have sex. Now I’m single again! This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve been dumped over the sex thing, and honestly, I’m about to have sex with someone for no reason, just to say it’s gone. I need some advice and something to keep my hopes up.” First off, girl, I am SO happy you’re out of that relationship. Second, you should never feel ashamed for wanting to wait to have sex. I know it can be scary, but our girls are here to help. Here is what they said and some advice they gave about getting dumped for being a virgin.
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Realize That This Is Not Your Fault
VermillionRoses said, " This has nothing to do with you. Do not do something like that just so you can say you did it. It's clear that your virginity is special to you; don't ever lose it for someone else. Please remember that." Your sex decisions are your OWN, and if a guy can't respect that, then it is HIS fault, and not yours. It sucks to get dumped, but it is entirely on him and nothing to do with you. Image Source: Pretty Little Liars
Never Do It Unless You're Ready
Waterbaby said, "Do NOT have sex with someone unless you're ready. If guys are dumping you because you won't have sex with them, that's their problem, not yours. Only have sex if you feel mentally and physically ready and there's consent from both parties. You don't have to do shit to keep a guy around like that. If he can't respect that you don't want to have sex, he isn't worth your time." This perfectly sums it up. You should never feel the need to have sex to keep someone around. It's not fair to you and if you want to wait, you should! Image Source: The OC
Don't Be Manipulated Into Doing It
ShellyB said, "I am not a virgin but recently I have been in relationships where I wanted to wait to have sex, longer than the guy would prefer. I did end up breaking up over it in one case because the guy accused me of "not trusting" him but, I am pretty sure it was code for "not giving him sex." It's a long story I don't just randomly believe trust and sex are the same, in this case I am 90% that's what he mean." If a guy trusts you, he will understand why you want to wait. If he doesn't trust you, or if he isn't trustworthy himself, he might try and manipulate you into having sex. If he threatens to leave you because you won't have sex, that is wrong on so many levels, and you're better off without him! Image Source: Degrassi
Realize You Don't Have To Prove Anything
Spidergirl999 said, "Im also 17 and I've never had sex. There's nothing wrong with it, you have nothing to prove. If he wants you to have sex, then he'll work for it and make you comfortable enough to agree to it. You will regret sleeping with someone if you are not 100% ready, emotionally AND mentally. Just wait." You shouldn't feel like you need to prove yourself to anyone. It's your body, and you can do whatever you want with it. Image Source: One Tree Hill
Try To Figure Out If Your Guy Is Using You
Alexisfsg said, " He is just using you too. If the sex means more to him than the relationship forget him. And wait to do it with someone who doesn't mind that you don't want to have sex." I hate to admit it, but she's right. This guy might have been using you for sex, so it's really good that you got out of the relationship. I'm not saying ALL guys will use you for sex, but you need to be aware that some guys are so invested in sex that they might not be totally aware of your feelings. Image Source: Gossip Girl
Stand Your Ground!
shy.beth said, "Your ex boyfriend wasn't worth it if he dumped you for that and stick to your guns. You should only have sex when you are ready with the right person in the right situation, don't let anyone persuade you to do something you don't want to and don't just have sex for the sake of it." It can be really easy to fall into pressure from your BF or your friends, but try not to. Image Source: Awkward
Wait For Someone Who Will Wait For You
Dawn989 said, "I agree with some of the post above. Do not have sex with anyone until you are ready. I am sure it will be someone who will wait to share that moment with you. Dont rush sex, you will know when you are ready. It sucks that you were dumped over that but someone will wait for you." I know it feels like you will NEVER find anyone, but you will! One day you will meet someone who will wait for you, and you won't have to settle. Image Source: Clueless
Have you ever been dumped for being a virgin? Tell us in the comments!