Most romantic relationships end, and it’s often for the best. Couples have incompatible personalities and values, long distance romance fizzles out, infidelity rears its ugly head…and sometimes even the most seemingly well matched folks just fall out of love. Whether it’s drama-free or dramatized, relationships end all the time for all kinds of legitimate reasons.
And then there are those relationships–those perfectly good relationships–that come to a grinding halt because someone starts getting anxious about unnecessary things. This just throws needless strife into the mix and, before you know it, the courtship is over in a confusing, passive aggressive clusterf**k.
I’d know, because I can’t help but do this all the time and it’s a really nasty habit! I’m in a great relationship right now and I’m constantly letting little concerns get in the way. Those things–often superficial–can blind you to the awesome things you two have going on.
This sounds easy enough to avoid–don’t get caught up on silly worries, like paranoia over cheating, or concern that your partner has fallen out of love even though there’s zero proof of it. But it doesn’t just take trying-to-unlock-bae’s-phone-while-they’re-in-the-bathroom levels of lunacy to doom a relationship. There are plenty of other ways you can slowly destroy your otherwise great relationship for no damn reason. Check out these seven ways you’re making your relationship miserable without even realizing it, and try to keep these traits on lock.
You Worry Too Much About Seeking Your Friends' ApprovalListen, I’m not saying that you should never listen to your friends or value their advice or opinions about your bae, especially if they think he’s bad news. But maybe you just need to listen to “Side to Side” and keep it movin’. Your friends are dating your partner, YOU ARE. So whether your friend finds your partner datable, or cute enough, or interesting really doesn’t matter. What matters is your opinion at the end of the day. Don’t let your friend’s hot take on your partner make or break your relationship.
Expecting Your Partner To Use A Particular ScriptThis is basically like expecting your BF/GF to be able to mind read. They might not always say exactly what you want them to say, and maybe they’re not as good at cheering you up as your bestie is; they’re not your bestie, they’re your partner. Besides, you probably don’t always say what they want to hear either. That doesn’t make you a bad partner, does it? No.
Comparing Your Relationship To Someone Else'sThis will absolutely ruin you. If you have a tendency to compare your relationship to someone else’s—how they act in public, how “far” they’ve gone, how happy they seem, how much they post cute selfies on social media, etc—you’re going to be chasing after phantom expectations. Every couple has their own comfort zones, boundaries, and behaviors. Just because your friend’s BF has a pet name for her, doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t really care about you because he calls you by youractual name.
Overthinking EVERYTHINGThis will absolutely drive you mad. You start to overanalyze literally every single thing you guys are doing and wonder if this is How You Do Relationships. You’ll wonder if you two have enough fun together, or if you have enough fights, or if you have too many fights, or if you should be at this stage of your relationship instead of THAT stage. Ad nauseum. Pro tip: If you have to search for problems, they’re probably not there. Stop nitpicking the hell out of everything and live your life.
Applying High Standards To Your Partner, But Not To YourselfYou will analyze every single one of your partner’s flaws, magnify them, and nitpick everything about them that’s imperfect. But do you ever take the time to do that to yourself? No, of course not. Um, does that seem fair to you?
Getting SuperficialAll of a sudden, you’re valuing things on the surface a lot more than you used to. Maybe you’re more critical about the way your bae dresses, or how cute you two look as a couple, or whether they’re extroverted enough, whatever. Focusing on external distractions is a recipe for disaster.
Obsessing Over The Idea With Being With Someone Better Just BecauseOkay, this could actually indicate that you want out of your relationship, or that you're just getting a little too obsessive over the idea of what a perfect relationship looks like, and you think you can get it with someone else. Listen, like I said, if things are going badly, you'll know. You won't have to search for it. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and you won't always feel like you're on a cloud, so don't panic and wonder if you should abandon ship just yet.
Are you guilty of doing any of these things? What other avoidable flubs eff up perfectly good relationships? Tell us in the comments!