How To Deal If People Make Fun Of You For Being A Virgin

Hi Heather,

I’m 15-years-old. My ex asked me to have sex with him, but I don’t think I want to and I don’t know what to say. All of my friends have already lost their virginity, and they make fun of me for being a virgin because I’m older than them. What do I do? I’m scared, but I don’t want everyone to think I’m a baby.


Um, where to start? Well, first of all, your friends sound kind of… mean. No offense, it’s just that, of all people, your friends shouldn’t be making you feel bad for being a virgin, no matter how old you are. Your friends should be the ones who support you and lift you up, not the ones who are you bringing you down.

Your first order of business? Speak up and defend yourself. I know it’s hard, especially when it’s concerning your friends, but it has to be done. Let them know that you’re sick of them making fun of you, and you don’t want to hear it anymore. If they are, in fact, good friends, they’ll back off. If they are not, they’ll keep going, at which point you should ditch them and find people who are nicer to you. Easier said than done, but honestly, no one needs that kind of toxic energy in their lives.

Secondly, you absolutely do not have to have sex with your ex, or anyone for that matter, if you don’t want to. It doesn’t matter if everyone you know has done it – you don’t have to. And it doesn’t sound like you really want to! It’s fine to be scared of sex – in fact, it’s normal. It doesn’t always mean that you’re not ready, but it can be seen as a warning sign, and it’s something you need to pay attention to.

In general, I would recommend not losing your virginity to an ex-boyfriend, even if you actually do want to do it and you’re just nervous. There are way too many complicated emotions there already, clearly, and adding sex to the mix is not going to make anything better at all. Why is he even asking to have sex if you two are broken up? It seems like there are some issues that need to be worked out here before you even consider getting down and dirty with him.

But back to the main subject, which is dealing with people who are making fun of your virginity. This is a personal decision that no one else has the right to be involved in. Don’t let people, especially friends, say whatever they want to you. And if they’re going to no matter what, ignore them and move on. Don’t ever have sex because you feel pressured into it. Do it when you’re ready, when you want to. Don’t do it to get your friends off your back or because you feel like you have to do it by a certain age. You don’t! You can do it whenever you want. There’s nothing wrong with you for waiting! I promise. There’s no magic way to get these people off your back, but you can choose to ignore their words and stand by your personal beliefs. Again, easier said than done, but not impossible. Find people who care about you and stick with them – I promise it will make a difference.

Good luck!

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Virginity
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  • Personally, I’m going on 18, and hadn’t even kissed a guy….. I personally think having a boyfriend is overrated, even though there are some wonderful guys who’d like you no matter what…… It’s just me, maybe your sitch is different…

    As for your friends, don’t let them get to you, just tell them to stop if it’s really bugging you. And as Heather said, don’t hang around friends who’d bully you or make you feel bad about being a virgin.

    • Julie Lockwood

      I think it is really good to be a virgin. I’m saving myself for marriage.