Are You A Lesbian If You Look At Other Girl’s Boobs?

Hello Heather,

I need help. Earlier this month, I had a dream that this girl and I were hanging out and then ended up kissing. In my dream, I really liked it, and it made me feel happy and secure. I woke up feeling so confused because I’ve only dated boys. I also always wonder what other girl’s boobs look like. If I’m in the locker room getting changed, I always look at everyone’s boobs, and I get turned on if I think the girl is cute. I pay attention to boobs a lot actually, even in movies and on magazine covers and stuff. What does this mean? I don’t know what’s going on. Am I actually a lesbian? Please help me.


So, unfortunately, I can’t answer the question Am I a lesbian with the response that you’re looking for. Only you can answer that, as corny as it may sound. Sexuality is such a personal thing, and to be honest, it might take you some time to really figure out what’s going with you. But I can help guide you through this as much as possible, so let’s discuss.

First, I want you to know that you’re not alone in the feelings you’re having. Many, many young women write in to us every day with the same concerns. A lot of women get turned on by other women, even if they feel like they are otherwise straight. A lot of women dream about kissing other women, watch lesbian porn, and even stare at boobs and feel turned on. Even though many people don’t discuss it, it’s quite normal, and it does not always mean that you’re a lesbian or even that you’re bisexual. In fact, science has even found that women might all be a little bisexual – studies have shown this to be true.

Of course, these feelings might also mean you are into women. Your dreams could just be a collection of random thoughts, or they could be the voice of your self-conscious trying to send a message. Your interest in boobs could definitely mean that you’re more sexually attracted to women than men – or it could be that boobs are such a huge focal point in our society that you can’t help be a little bit curious and interested. The only person who can ultimately determine this is you.

Don’t pressure yourself into figuring out exactly “what you are” right away. I’m on the belief that sexuality is fluid – you don’t need to label yourself if you feel like you can’t right now. Let yourself experiment a bit to find what feels good. Pay attention more to your feelings in the moment rather than what you’ve done in the past. Just because you’ve dated guys in the past doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. One day you’ll figure it out and it will make sense to you, but for now, try to relax a bit, even if that’s really difficult advice to hear. You need time to think and make sense of these feelings, and there’s no reason you can’t have that.

Good luck!

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