17 Of The Most Inappropriate Valentine’s Day Cards You’ll Ever See

If you are anything like me, chances are good that Valentine’s Day isn’t something you spend too much time thinking about. It is a Hallmark holiday, sure, and technically as good a one as any, but it’s not usually one that dominates the consciousness of any given millennial or Gen Z-er. It’s good for heat-shaped candy, sure, and themed episodes of syndicated network comedy shows, but beyond that, it doesn’t have all that much use. Well, except for one other thing: Really, super, totally inappropriate greeting cards, which you may either create yourself using inspiration from Tumblr, or purchase from the hardcore crafting site Etsy. These are, if I may be so bold as to say, truly the reason for the season.

You don’t have to give these to people to whom you might feel romantically (or sexually) inclined, of course. Cards of this nature work just as well–if not better–with any platonic relationship you may have in your life, so long as it is one founded on a mutual interest in anything that verges into the category of, um, “juvenile” humor. So, check out these totally inappropriate–but totally awesome–Valentine’s Day cards that will (probably) win over the heart of your crush or anyone else this year:

1. This subtle imagery:
emoji-valentines-card

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

2. This tasteful Freudian slip:i-love-you

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

3. This sweet, sweet sentiment:

i-love-you-butt

Buy this from Etsy for $3.99

 

4. And this, which might be the nicest thing you could say to anyone:in-my-inappropriate-thoughts

Buy this from Etsy for $4.50

 

5. This blunt–but effective, surely–greeting:lets-have-sex

Buy this from Etsy for $5

 

6.  This beautiful animal symbolism:
love-your-cock

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

7. This card which, quite honestly, is gorgeous:main-bitch

Buy this from Etsy for $4

 

8. This card that, uh, tells it like it is:

men-are-from-mars

Buy this from Etsy for $2.85

 

9. This, which is the perfect card to give to your mom. (Not really. I don’t know.)milf-status

Buy this from Etsy for $4.50

 

10. This ~tricky~ card:o-card

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

11. This timeless poem:

roses-are-red

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

12. This card that really makes you think:spoon-and-fork-card

Buy this from Etsy for $3.88

 

13. This straightforward list of chores:

to-do-list

Buy this from Etsy for $3.99

 

14. This important grammatical edit:

you-are-enouigh-card

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

15. Ew. (But, also, awww):

bogey-card

Buy this from Etsy for $4.25

 

16. This cute li’l reminder of genital function:
you-make-my-private-tingle

Buy this from Etsy for $4.50

 

17. And, finally, this invitation that’s perfect for Valentine’s Day, but should work all year long as well:you-me-pants-off

Buy this from Etsy for $4.50

 

Do you like these cards? Would you give any to your ~special~ someone? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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