9 Definite Signs A Guy Is Insecure

It can sometimes be easy to wrongly assume that guys never feel insecure. Not only do men have more privilege than any other group of people out there, but societal norms encourage them to act confident, fearless, and in control all the time. Men are taught to hide any emotion that might hint at a low self-esteem – crying, showing sadness in any way, and acting unsure. Sometimes it seems like women are much more likely to be insecure, but thinking that way is harmful to everyone. Of course guys can be insecure! Plenty of them are, most of them probably, they just might show it in a slightly different way than women, although there are definitely signs to watch out for.

Of course, every guy out there will show their low self-esteem in a different way, and many times, it’s the same way women show it. But there are certain signs of insecurity in men that are a little more obvious than others. A lot of the time, insecure feelings can come off as someone acting like a jerk, or weirdly, as someone acting like an arrogant jerk. Being able to tell if someone is struggling with confidence can be important, especially if you want to date dudes. So, how do you know if that’s the case? This Ask Reddit thread gave us responses from real dudes who talk about the common signs of insecurity in a man. Check them out here:


Always Acting Angry

Men are taught to deal with unpleasant emotions by hiding them or getting angry - so it's no surprise that anger and aggression are also signs of insecurity. User idontknowanything001 says, "Anger Aggression (unnecessary) Belligerence. Basically any trait that a high school kid would consider to be 'alpha' I think is a huge sign of massive insecurities in men. Because its that archetype that so many men latch onto as being 'real men.' When... in fact... its questionable if the whole 'alpha, Beta...' hierarchy is even a real thing and if it is its questionable as to if a TRUE alpha male would actually act that way. To me... a True Alpha is not someone who feels the compulsive need to show that they are an Alpha. Because... they just are. Taking control of a situation, being a good leader, being in control of your emotions, being calm under pressure etc... these are all things that I thin look a lot more calm and collected and stoic than in your face aggressive."

Source: iStock

Getting Nasty About Rejection

You know those guys who basically beg you to give them a chance, then turn around and throw nasty words at you when you reject them? Yeah... those guys are very insecure. User Cheerchum27 says, "Calling a girl a bitch when she isn't interested in his advances." They feel crappy about themselves, so they feel the need to make you feel crappy too.

Source: iStock

Changing Personalities Around Certain People

We all know at least one person who seems to change their personality constantly depending on who they're with. You know, that friend who acts like they love what you love when they're with you, but then goes and hangs out with someone else and becomes a completely different person? Doing things like that is a major sign of insecurity, as user Danh8391 points out about a sign of it in dudes: "Complete turnover of personality when girls are around, I've seen it a few times, shit is embarrassing."

Watching someone swap personalities is frustrating, but it's also kind of pathetic and sad to see. When someone does this, it's not just about trying to be "cool," it's about the fact that they dislike themselves and so don't know how to act like themselves, so they try to fit in by being someone different.

Source: iStock

They Act Jealous and Controlling In A Relationship

User mtw816 says, "If you are referring to a man in a relationship, typically that manifests in jealousy, controlling behavior, and talking down to their partner." Hit the nail on the head. Abusive partners or partners who are just controlling and mean are ones who are also very insecure. Their insecurity comes out in these terrible traits because they think their partner is going to leave them, because they don't think they deserve said partner. This is sad, but it still doesn't excuse abusive behavior. If you're dating someone who is controlling and overly jealous, that means you're dealing with someone who is really insecure, and that can be super tough to work with.

Source: iStock

Bragging Constantly

Bragging is annoying. It's also misunderstand as a quality of someone who is over-confident. In fact, bragging is a common sign of insecurity, as user PM_ME_SEXY_BUTTHOLES says: "They brag a lot, especially when they brag about how they'd act in a hypothetical situation they've never actually been in." When someone brags, it's usually because they're trying to make people like them, and they don't think they're enough, so they make up stories or exaggerate things. A dude who is constantly going on about how great he is and trying to act like a hero is someone who is deeply insecure.

Source: iStock

Always Blaming Everyone Else For Their Mistakes

Not being able to accept responsibility for something isn't just a sign of immaturity, it's a sign of insecurity. User kodak2012 says a big sign of insecurity in guys is, "Always putting the blame on others for their own mistakes." Being able to own up to your mistakes requires confidence and strength. A really insecure guy is one who can't admit they ever do anything wrong.

Source: iStock

Acting Very Desperate

When a guy is clingy and needy, it isn't cute - it's a sign of insecurity. Acting desperate for female attention is a huge sign that there's no confidence there. User The_UnApologist explains: "Insecure guys also act very desperate. This can manifest itself into also being pushy. If you gave him even the slightest signal of interest, he'll be desperate or pushy for more attention from you. Insecure guys also read shit like "pick up artist" manuals by Neil Strauss or whatever. They assume women are all some enigma code that once cracked will make them easily manipulatable. In other words insecure men are manipulative and condescending. They look down upon women or their own friends as lesser sub-humans with no unique qualities. Everyone is the same to them, it's just their mission and goal to crack their "code" for their own benefit. You're not a individual to them. You're a goal for them to feel better about themselves for achieving. "I slept with HER" or "everyone thinks I'm better than THEM." It's the same thing."

Source: iStock

Not Showing A Lot Of Loyalty

Ever met a dude who made fun of his friends in front of you? There's a reason for that - to make him look better. User The_UnApologist: points this out, saying, "Insecure men throw their friends under the bus in the presence of women. This is an attempt to try and make themselves look good." They don't think they can look good on their own, so they drag others down with them - even friends.

Source: iStock

Making Fun Of Everyone

You've probably heard this before, but it's worth repeating, because it's so true: putting someone down is a clear sign of insecurity in anyone. An insecure person mocks others to make themselves feel good. User xxjxxx explains, "I used to be a very insecure teenager. I didn't have the best father; he beat me or yelled at me, constantly put down everything I tried to do or anything anyone else tried to do; primarily it's because that's what his mother did with him. I used to put down everything. What people wore, how they acted, how people looked, called everything stupid."

Source: iStock

Which one of these makes the most sense to you? What did we forget? Share in the comments.

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