Ask A Guy: Do Guys Really Care How Many People You’ve Had Sex With?

Hey Joel,

I’m seventeen years old. I know I am young but over the past four or five years now I’ve been with fifteen people. I am not proud of it. I’m scared to tell people, especially guys, my “body count” because if you’re a female and you’ve slept with some people, you’re automatically a “hoe.” I wish every night and day that I could change the things I’ve done … I try not to think of it but everything just replays in my head and I don’t know what to do. I know you’re not a psychologist, and I saw what you wrote about women and their body counts and how it doesn’t actually matter that much, but I still feel iffy.

I know this sounds dumb but could you help me figure out a way to tell guys how many people I’ve slept with without wanting to die? Also, do guys even really care about how many people you’ve slept with?

double-standard

Being caught up or even embarrassed by your “number” is completely understandable, but it does not define who you are, nor should you feel it necessary to disclose this information to every guy. This number is something that many people struggle with, so know that you’re far from alone.

But before we dig deeper into what you can do in the future, let’s discuss talking about your number with other guys. Regardless of what they might say, you don’t have to tell every guy how many others you’ve slept with. If you’re in a committed relationship, then yes, you should be honest; but anything short of that and it’s nobody’s business but your own.

Also, you’re 100% correct that there’s a double standard in terms of sleeping with many partners. Some guys would care that you’ve slept with a certain amount of people, even if their number is the same or higher (which is another good reason not to disclose until you’re in a serious relationship). The idea of “player vs. slut” is totally wrong, and yet society continues to allow this unfair bias. While I don’t think anyone should be out there bragging about how many partners they’ve had, there is nothing at all different with you saying that versus some guy. It’s just society being stupid and short-sighted.

Moving forward, I would say you should be a bit more selective about who you sleep with. While sex is certainly a good time, if it makes you feel badly afterwards, it’s not worth it–plus, the more partners you have, the more risk of things like diseases, unwanted pregnancy, and a reputation you might not want. It’s not that you should go completely prude, but I wouldn’t sleep with anyone you don’t have very strong feelings for. If you’re not sure how to tell what “strong feelings” means for you, it might be worth looking into seeing a therapist so you can figure out how to identify your own feelings.

I’ve said it before: if a guy says he’ll leave you if you don’t sleep with him, LEAVE HIM! It’s your body and good or bad, they are your choices. Don’t spend too much time dwelling on your past. It’s been done and forward is the only way to go. Don’t settle for anything less than stellar guys, and always be proud of who you are!

 

Best wishes,

Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

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