In the beginning of a relationship, everybody pretends that they’re their best self. If you do any gross stuff, it happens in private and all evidence is destroyed. But, sorry – as your relationship progresses, bae is bound to find out how gross you are. It’s part of the process of getting comfortable with each other – at some point, you will do something “gross” in front of them, and the secret will be out: you aren’t perfect! If you spend a ton of time preventing the unthinkable from happening, maybe consider welcoming this unavoidable revelation of your true nature just par for the course in any long term relationship.
Think about it: would you be totally grossed out if your male partner was smelly, sweaty, or farted in front of you? Or do you expect that out of them because they’re a boy and boys are inherently “gross” somehow? My point exactly. Everybody’s human. Bodily functions can’t be avoided and we all have secret unsavory habits that are hard to break. One sign of a great relationship is the ability to totally be yourselves around each other and not really care what the other person thinks. No matter how hard you try to hide it, these are 18 gross things bae is going to find out eventually, so you may as well start getting over it now. The end of your perfect persona is coming faster than you think.
1) How much you eat off the floor.
Five second rule be damned. One of these days, bae is going to watch you pick something up off the floor, pick gross bits off of it, and eat it anyway. Just when you think they’re not looking, too. Oops.
2) Exactly where you skimp in the manners department.
When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, your comfort level increases, so don’t be surprised when you’re suddenly slurping more often, wiping food off your face with your hands, or picking at your teeth.
3) The exact flavor of what your farts smell like.
Either you do it in a way where you know what just went down and they figure out it’s you via process of elimination or you accidentally fart in your sleep, both the loud and the smelly are bound to come out sooner or later.
4) If and how frequently you clog the toilet.
Feeling like you’re okay to poop while you’re hanging out is one thing, but one day it’s going to clog and… well now what? There’s no going back from that. Trust me, it’s fine and everybody does it, but that doesn’t make it less embarrassing.
5) The fervor with which you scratch yourself.
I’m not talking about dainty “my eyes are itchy” cute rubs. This is a big itch in an inappropriate area that you need to fix immediately.
6) They’re going to watch you pick a deep wedgie.
Wediges are equal opportunity offenders and one will strike. If bae is really there for you, they’ll mask you while you pick one in public.
7) How your face can turn into a snot fountain.
In sickness and in health, am I right? Kidding, that’s marriage. But even the faintest colds can turn your nostrils crusty with snot and crack your chapped lips to no end. I know blowing your nose in front of them doesn’t sound like a big deal, but when it’s a big one, it can be totally embarrassing and gross.
8) What you’re like when you’re sick.
In all of your makeupless, greasy haired, dark circled glory.
9) How much your hair gets on and in everything you touch.
They may even watch you pull a hair out of your mouth because you ate some. It’s happened before!
10) Your embarrassing Google search history.
One day, they’re going to be like, “Hey babe, can I borrow your computer?” and you’re going to say “sure” without thinking, not knowing that auto-fill is a bitch. Sure, this isn’t physically gross, but the feeling it leaves you with can be real icky.
11) Who you stalk most on social media.
Speaking of auto-complete being the worst, bae might ask to use your Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter to check something and draw some conclusions about your stalking habits. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
12) The crushing aftermath that follows you popping a zit.
You duck out to the bathroom to take care of business and come back with weird a pink, indented patch of skin that may or may not still be leaking blood or pus. So cute.
13) The gory details of women’s health.
Does your penis-owning boyfriend know what Monistat is? The difference between a UTI and a yeast infection? He’s about to find out! Have fun explaining what that little egg of antibiotics does and how you just have to let it leak out of your vagina overnight. Fun times.
14) Your ultra-sexy morning breath.
The hottest. Literally. If you’re having sleepovers, you’re going to wake up to a face full of prime morning stank-breath and you know what? That’s fine.
15) Your ugly-cry face.
No one looks cute when they ugly cry – that’s why it’s called an ugly cry. It also usually comes with a healthy amount of snot.
16) How much you sweat.
Everybody sweats. Suddenly, you’re a soppy wet mess in areas bae didn’t know you could actually sweat. New discoveries all around, everybody. Sweaty girls, don’t worry about this one. It’s a normal bodily function, just bear with.
17) What your feet smell like at their peak smelliest.
And there’s nowhere to hide other than just to put some form of shoe back on. This is somehow worse if your shoes are also smelly and there’s no escape. Ooph.
18) On some dreaded day, bae is going to watch you in the ultimate act of seduction: struggling to put on nylon tights after a shower.
Happens to the best of us, girls. There’s no attractive way to do this. I don’t care how dry you think your legs are, it’s about to get sticky and you’re going to have to pick-jump-wiggle your way into this.
What gross things do you do that your person already knows about? What would you never let them know? Let us know in the comments!
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.