9 Ways To Have A Healthy Sex Life Without Having Sex

You might have stumbled upon this post out of pure curiosity, wondering, “Uh, if I’m a virgin…how can I have a sex life, let alone a healthy one?” As someone who has a virgin until pretty recently (YES, INTO MY TWENTIES, Y’ALL), I can safely tell you that you don’t just start becoming a sexual person when you have sex for the first time. That’s not how it works.

There’s this idea that being in tune with your sexuality–your body, your desires, your interests–requires having sexy encounters with a partner or straight up being in a sexual relationship. Not true. In fact, if you identify as a virgin, it’s actually really important to take the time now–while you’re not embroiled in sexual encounters with other people–to have a healthy approach to sex. Check out these nine ways to have a healthy sex life without having sex because, yes, it’s totally possible.


Masturbation is still a bit of a taboo topic, but we don't shy away from it at Gurl. The truth is that plenty of girls masturbate, and it's really nothing to feel weird about. In fact, masturbation can help you figure out what works best for you in the orgasm department, which is useful information whenever you actually end up hooking up with someone for the first time. If you don't know how to have an orgasm, how do you expect your partner to know how to help you have one? Masturbate without shame, dude.

The To-Do List

Check Out Porny Material (If You're Comfortable With It)

Whether it's a porno video or a smutty piece of fiction, please, don't feel like a bad person for engaging in porny material. Again, it's not a bad thing to be curious about sex, and pornographic material can be a pretty good way of learning what you may or may not be into. Just remember, have a healthy dose of skepticism because it's all fake.

My Mad Fat Diary

Don't Be Prudish

Okay, we all have our own comfort levels, and you should always make sure that they're respected. But there's a difference between that and feeling holier than thou because you avoid anything and everything involving sex. Being curious about sex or knowing a thing or two about sexuality doesn't make you weird, or a "slut" (which shouldn't be a concept in the first place), or anything. It's actually another thing you can be intelligent about. So when you look at sexuality as an asset, something worthy of learning about, instead of a frivolous subject matter, your approach to sex will improve.

Freaks And Geeks

Ask Questions

This is a big one: Don't hesitate to ask sex questions! Ask your friends, ask your parent, ask your school counselor, ask the internet, ask Gurl.com (hay), ask anyone. Sexual curiosity is normal and you deserve answers, even to some of your weirder queries.

My So-Called Life

Don't Be Afraid To Check Out Sex Toys

Hey, so, one of the best things about sex toys--vibrators, dildos, you name it--is that you don't need a partner to try them out. You can be a virgin with a vibrator, seriously. If your curiosity gets the best of you, don't deny yourself or feel weird about it.

The Slums Of Beverly Hills

Be Prepared

Hey, just because you've never had sex doesn't mean it's cool to be clueless about basic sexual health and protection. You might not need an IUD soon, but check it out anyway so you stay aware. Keep some condoms in your room just in case (you can often cop 'em for free). Find out what birth control options you might have if you suddenly decide to go on them, etc.


Remember That People Have Sex At Different Stages

Are you buggin' because it seems like all of your friends have done it but you haven't? What about yourself compared to everyone else in your grade? Dude, you'd be so surprised by how many people are virgins too. Spend less time feeling hung up over who has given a BJ and who has gotten to third base and all that noise. Take care of yourself and your needs and stop comparing your sexual prowess to others. Besides, having sex isn't the key to a fulfilling sex life. Your sex-free sexuality can be a lot healthier than your friend's who is always hooking up with their bae.

American Pie

Don't Keep Your V-Card A 'Nasty Little Secret'

Piggy backing off the last point, this is so important to remember, especially if you're a virgin beyond high school. It's okay to be open about it, because keeping it on the DL makes it seem as if you have something shameful to hide. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, and the more at peace you are with your v-card status, the easier it will be to have a healthy approach to sex and sexuality in general. Who cares if you're a virgin? Buy that lingerie if it makes you feel good, flirt away, buy a vibrator, etc. Don't let anything get in your way.


Don't Let Your V-Card Get In The Way Of Dating

Please, don't be one of those people who thinks they're undateable just because they're a virgin, and virgins are turn offs. Listen, there are some people out there who definitely think that way, but there are plenty who don't. And remember, you can be a virgin who has never so much as kissed someone and still have a healthy "sex life" by knowing how your body experiences pleasure, understanding safe sex, asking questions about your sexual curiosities, etc. Don't sell yourself short.

Some Girls

What other ways can you have a healthy approach to sex without having sex? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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