Ask A Guy: How To Tell If A Guy Is About To Ghost You

Hey Joel,

So, pretty much every guy I’ve been talking to in the past year has ghosted me. It sucks. I always feel like I meet a cool guy, we hit it off, and then he stops talking to me out of nowhere.

I know a lot of people say that sex is a big factor when it comes to getting ghosted, but it doesn’t seem to matter what I do, sex-wise–I’ve slept with guys and held off on sex and all of them have ghosted me. I don’t think I’m particularly clingy, either. So, can you tell me if there are any things that guys do before they ghost so I can be more prepared next time? This really sucks!


The idea of “ghosting” has been around for as long as dating has existed, but it’s gone by different names throughout the generations. Most people just refer to it as getting blown off, and as much as it may suck to hear, there’s very little anyone can do to prevent it in the future. Some guys are just jerks, and there’s no other way around it.

Before we get into why guys ghost girls, just a friendly reminder that you should NEVER have sex or do anything sexual that you don’t 100% want to do. Getting with a guy or going beyond what you’re comfortable with just to try and keep him around is a very bad idea, and most of the time is just a pre-cursor to a breakup. If a guy bails on you because you won’t sleep with him, he’s just a player and not at all worth your time.

In terms of why guys act this way, it has a lot to do with maturity. Most guys, especially younger ones, don’t know how to deal with their feelings or express them properly. They may get scared that they’re really into someone and basically run and hide. On the other hand, they may not know what they want and at the same time can’t express that they don’t want anything serious.

Obviously, they could also just be using you. They may just want some action and once they get that, they move onto another girl. If you know that a guy has ghosted other girls, there’s a very good chance he’ll do it to you as well. While he may promise that it’ll be different this time, it’s more likely he’s just trying to get some action.

In the end, know that a good guy, one who is worth your time, will NEVER ghost you or disappear. Quality guys know how to express their feelings and respect the feelings of others, and in turn would never do something to intentionally hurt you–like ghosting.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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