It’s so easy to be cynical about relationships because, if we’re being the realest of real here, more often than not they end badly. Whether it’s that high school sweetheart romance gone sour or your parent’s divorce, there’s proof all around us that relationships are really hard to maintain. But I’m not too cynical to deny them this: Most relationships really do start off with the best of intentions and a general strive for longevity. There aren’t many people who are going into relationships thinking, “Well, this is going to end in tears, subtweets, and a Netflix binge watching session with my BFFs Ben and Jerry. But whatever, let’s do this thing!”
Even those of us who start a new relationship with hesitation want to think that this is the one we’ll make the best of, and who knows, maybe it’ll be a super serious one. That said, there are some folks who pretty much have their mind made up from the jump that this partnership is going to be fun and full of feels, but it’ll have an expiration date and won’t be long-term. People who think this way aren’t necessarily malicious in their intent or bad people; they don’t necessarily want to string you along and make you think that this relationship will have some longevity to it. It’s not like you’re necessarily being used. It’s just…when your partner thinks about the future, you might not be a part of it, not even in a wishful thinking, fantasy type of way. You just ain’t there, sis. Some people are totally fine with that, but if you’re in a relationship you’re hoping goes the distance, you might want to know sooner rather than later that you and bae ain’t on the same page. Hell, you might be in different books entirely. Here are eight sneaky signs that your boyfriend probably doesn’t want to be in a long-term relationship.
He's More Sex Focused Than AnythingSex is his main interest. He doesn't have to be a sleeze about it, he's just...really into doing it. He's not really interested in going out on dates, meeting parents, or doing anything that a lot of stable couples do in addition to swapping spit and bumping uglies. It's just sex, with a title. If you feel like you're in more of a hookup based relationship than anything else, and you don't want to be, that's worth exploring. But I'm A Cheerleader
He Gets Really Quiet Whenever You Talk About The FutureThere's only one word to describe this: awwwwwwwwwwkward. It's not like you're talking about marriage (and if you are, maybe you are getting a little ahead of yourself, especially if you two haven't even been dating for a year or two). Just basic things like going to prom together or doing something for spring break sends him humming and hawing, coming up with some way to switch the subject or just acting overly agreeable to the point that you're questioning whether he's even listening to a word you're saying. Be on the lookout, girl. Submarine
Whenever He DOES Talk About The Future, You're Not MentionedMaybe he's talking about what he thinks college will be like, and he's emphasizing how great it would be to meet new people, or how he's heard that the hookups and parties are crazy...but he's not really talking about where the two of you will be. Honestly, it's not the end of the world to be up in the air about these things--you don't know where you two will be down the road either--but if you two have very different ideas about what your relationship status will look like in the near future, it's worth discussing. Pretty In Pink
He Never Gets Jealous...Like, EVERYou might be looking at this and going, "Huh? Why would I want a jealous BF?" Of course, jealousy can be a really nasty personality trait in a partner, and you should avoid dudes who can't even witness you talking to another guy without hulking out; abusive behavior isn't a good look. But--and this is a huge "but"--it's pretty natural and not all that out of line for a guy to feel suspicious if someone is giving you some seriously flirty attention. Wouldn't you also get a little side-eye if a girl was getting a little too friendly with your BF? But if this happens and your BF doesn't even seem bothered, that might indicate a lack of interest or concern. It's basically one big shrug about preserving your relationship. The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air
But He's Quick To Call YOU Jealous If He Does Anything Out Of The OrdinaryAnd yet, the second he's flirting, or you notice him "innocently" sliding into some girl's DMs, he'll be quick to act as if your concerns are out of control and lacking an ounce of chill. It's easy to go overboard or jump to conclusions, but it's not ridiculous to feel some kind of way if you witness what one might call emotional cheating. Dazed And Confused
He's Been Dropping Hints About His Relationship Philosophy, And It's A DownerThis could be anything from him saying he doesn't believe in maintaining high school relationships into college, or that he thinks people should have multiple partners before settling down, or something a little more emo like "love is a lie" or something. Ugh, this can be painful, but maybe this is a clue that you should get out of this relationship now; hey, it could be his way of letting you know where he stands without being super direct (because being direct is scary, LBR). My So-Called Life
He Doesn't Invite You To Hang Out With His Friends Or Any Other ActivitiesOkay, so maybe he's not doing dance numbers to "Grease Lightning," but that's not the point. There's definitely something fishy about having a partner who doesn't want you to participate in their life outside of just the two of you. That's a big sign that bae ain't taking this thing seriously. Same goes for other activities, even ones he might usually do solo. There's nothing wrong with alone time (WE ALL NEED SPACE), but ask yourself why he doesn't seem to value your participation in some of his favorite hobbies. Grease
He Always Comes Up With Excuses To Avoid Commitments Or Doing You FavorsThink about it? Does your BF always come up with excuses to avoid doing you a favor, whether it's getting something from your locker that you left at school or giving you a ride? Does he always seem to have an excuse for not doing you a solid, even though you would do something for him in a heartbeat? If he does this way too much, he might be avoiding feeling indebted to you in some way. Relationships involve a lot of give and take, commitment, and relying on each other for things, big and small. But if he's not really taking this relationship all that seriously, then these things might not really seem like much of a necessity. Clueless
Have you experienced a relationship like this? What other signs do you think people should look out for? Tell us in the comments!