My boyfriend and I have been together for almost eleven months. Everything was going great at first, until about five months in when I told him that I loved him. To this day, he has never said “I love you” to me. He has had a rough past with a girl and he has said that’s why–that he has no true feelings leftand he’s trying to get them back. But I don’t want to wait forever on him to try to love me if there’s a possibility that it’ll never happen. I’m so hurt to the point that I cry myself to sleep every night. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me and why he doesn’t love me. Any advice you can give me?
Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: there is NOTHING wrong with you. Zero. Your boyfriend is being a terrible partner, so if you take nothing else from this response, know that you have done zero wrong, are a fantastic person and deserve every bit of love you give.
Also, saying “I love you” after five months isn’t some huge breaking of relationship rules. If you were feeling it and were sure of it, there was nothing wrong with what you did. I told my now-wife that I loved her LESS than three months into our relationship because it was so strong and I HAD to tell her. All of the “timing rules” about calling, texting, when you can say things and whatever is just made up guesses.
That out of the way, the lines your boyfriend is feeding you in terms of why he can’t say “I love you” are about as stereotypical guy-BS as you’ll find. We’ve all been hurt in past relationships and we all know how scary it is to put yourself out there again, knowing you could get hurt; but to completely avoid jumping in “for real” because if that is nothing but a cowardly action. Yes, your boyfriend is being a coward, and I wouldn’t stand for it.
I hate to give you more bad news, but your concern that he may never say it back to you may have more accuracy to it than you can stomach. It’s been about six months since you said it, and if he can’t man up and admit those feelings, there are really only two possibilities: Either he is far too cowardly to man up and admit his feelings, or those feelings don’t actually exist.
I know all of that news really sucks, but at the same time, do you want to just pressure him until he says it back? No. You want it to be natural and because he truly feels it. The only question left is how much longer you’re willing to wait. Set a date in your mind, and if he doesn’t deliver, go find yourself a guy more worthy of your love and awesomeness!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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