8 Signs Your On Again/Off Again Relationship Is Finally Over

The drama of an on-again/off-again relationship is exhausting: saying it’s the last time you’re breaking up, attempting to move on, running back together because you can’t let each other go, and low key living for the drama of it all. This might be exciting, in a weird and destructive way, but it’s actually unhealthy and annoys everyone around you. Eventually these on/off relationships stop, but it often takes a really long time to get to that point. This is mainly because you’re both so used to the gaps in your relationship that getting back together feels natural, and because of that, it can be really tough to identify the signs that your on and off relationship is finally over for good. 

Now, it’s time for some cold, hard truths: love isn’t enough to make something work if it’s truly broken. It’s true that you can’t help who you love, but you can stop making trash decisions. And yeah, one of those decisions might be to put yourself through this crap over and over again. Stop putting others first and really put yourself first for a second. Is this what you want? Really? You want to sign up for the heaven (it’s relative) and hell (it’s real) of breaking up and reuniting constantly? Nobody needs that in their life. Need some clue that things are done? Here are a few signs that your relationship is over:

Only One Of You Is Trying

If it's only one of you consistently doing the "getting back together" part of an on/off relationship, that means something's wrong. Maybe it's you or maybe it's the either person. Either way, it takes two consenting people to get a relationship back in action and if this whole thing looks one sided, you're not starting off on a great foot. Maybe don't start again at all? No good relationship is a one sided affair. If it's you, it doesn't make you a bad person for not trying. You don't have to try for something you don't want. And if someone tells you they're fighting for your relationship to work then doesn't follow it up with action, they're trash. This is a recipe for a dysfunctional relationship that's maybe over for good this time.

Source: iStock

You Stop Seeing Their Potential And Start Seeing Reality

A sign that things are over in any relationship is that you start noticing more bad things than good. Instead of getting back together and seeing that they're making an attempt to make things work, all you see is that crappy things they're doing. If you spend a lot of time thinking of how they could be a better partner, then, uh, you don't sound that happy. When you're broken up for good, there's no more idealizing the person you're with and you're finally able to see them for who they are: someone who might not be great for you. And that's not thinking ill of them! You're just finally seeing what's in front of you instead of what you want it to be or the idea of who this person is.

Source: iStock

The Future Doesn't Involve Them Anymore... And That's Okay

Part of the reason people keep getting back together after breaking up is they believe this is the person they're going to spend the rest of their lives with, so of course it's "inevitable." People get so married to the idea of going off to college together, how the rest of their lives are going to play out, blah blah blah. You used to spend a lot of time and energy fantasizing about what a future with this person would look like... except you don't anymore. And that's fine. You can finally picture a life and future without them! Isn't that a good thing? Well, it might suck when you realize your vision of the future no longer includes them, but it's a good sign you're finally getting yourself out of this vicious on/off cycle for good.

Source: iStock

You Keep Comparing New Crushes To Them

Okay, so if you're having new crushes, that in itself is a sign that things are over. But look past just that for a second: if, when you are with your on/off partner, you spend a lot of time comparing other crushes to them, this is another sign. If you really wanted to be with this person, you wouldn't be sitting there thinking, "They could be so much better if they were more like so-and-so." You know? Time to move on and give so-and-so a chance.

Source: iStock

You Dread Getting Their Texts

It's something like a heart-skip immediately followed by a heart-sink. It's like you want the comfort of having someone you care about texting you constantly, except when their name blips up on your phone screen, you honestly don't want to see what's there because when it comes down to it, you don't want to hear from them. Period. Communicating with them feels like a chore. There's no more spark left to mine out. The banter is gone, it's no longer fun, and it's not even loving. It's like you're strangers again. Hearing from them sounds like the least fun thing that could happen right now.

Source: iStock

You'd Rather Be Alone Than With Them

The depression that comes with dealing with a breakup is so awful that most people heavily consider getting back with their ex just to stop that feeling from happening. But for you - and you'll know if you've been there - being alone and depressed because they're gone is truly the more palatable option than forcing something that's not there. Being with someone where it doesn't work sucks a lot more than being single and sad, which sounds like a condescending piece of advice to give to single people to keep us cautious, but you'd honestly rather grapple with the never ending suck of a break up than start this bull all over again with that same person who you can't get out of your life.

Source: iStock

The Emotional Turmoil Is No Longer Worth It

The highs and lows that come with breaking up and getting back together constantly feels dramatic af. Honestly, the theatrics and extreme feelings just aren't worth it anymore. This relationship is no longer worth the effort and stress. It isn't because you've stopped caring about this person, you've just decided your own mental stability and self respect are worth more than putting yourself through this turmoil over and over again. In terms of risk v. reward, you're getting very little reward in return for risking your sanity and emotional stability and you are so, so very done with it. Good riddance!

Source: iStock

You Aren't Trying To Start The Cycle All Over Again

"I don't care what they think," you say, getting ready and clearly looking your best, knowing you'll run into them at a party, hopefully triggering their jealousy, and thus prompting your ex to reinstate themselves as your boo yet again. Since you've gotten together and broken up over and over again, you know how this cycle goes, what behaviors tend to happen and how everything tends to play out. So, instead of doing those things, like what I just mentioned, you break those cycles by choosing not to do it. I don't care how cathartic and awesome it feels to slay in front of your ex, if you're doing it to get their attention and win them back, you aren't helping yourself out of the situation.

Source: iStock

Are you in an on again/off again relationship? What makes them so appealing? How do you stop? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.


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