7 Things You Have To Do If You Have A Crush On A Friend

When it comes to dating, few things suck more than having a crush on a friend. What the hell are you supposed to do with that? One minute they were someone you were so comfortable with – someone you could fart in front of, even – now, surprise! You suddenly care about how you look around them, what they think of you, and if they’re flirting with you. You want to make out with them every time you’re alone, but you have no idea how to find out if they want the same. You don’t know if you should make a move and potentially ruin your friendship, or not make a move and potentially get your heart broken.

Any crush is confusing, but a crush on a friend is a whole different ballpark. Unlike a crush you don’t even speak to, you have to be around this person a lot, which is basically torture. So, how should you proceed? Should you risk everything in order to see if they’re interested too (like any classic rom-com movie out there)? Or should you try to put your feelings aside and focus on literally anyone else? I know you’re stuck in a tough spot, and that’s why I’m here to help! Here are some things you have to do if you have a crush on your friend. Trust me, these will help.


Assess The Risk Of Telling Them

Think about this SERIOUSLY, not just in a hopeful way. Make a pro/con list about them knowing you like them like that. In some cases, it really isn't worth ruining a friendship over, while in other cases, it works out. Do you like this person so much that you want to date them for a long time? Or is it just a sexual attraction? Are they already in a stable relationship? Do you think they might like you as more than a friend (be honest)? These are all the questions you need to ask yourself. Write down the good and bad, and then be true to your feelings.

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Figure Out What You Want

Once you tell them you like them... then what? Do you want to jump into a relationship right away? Or feel things out first? It sounds silly, but having a plan is worth thinking about. This kind of thing can be super confusing, and part of it is going with the flow, but another part is knowing what you're looking for. Figure it out before making things complicated.

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Try To Keep It Cool

Okay, this is someone you're going to see fairly regularly since you're friends and all - you need to try to act normal. If you start getting weird about things, it's going to make things, well... weird. I know that being around a crush can bring out the most awkward side of anyone, but try to continue to treat them as a friend until you decide what you want to do. And if you DO decide to take things to the next level, don't make things weird for everyone else. If you guys are part of a friend group, it might cause some waves - just try not to let things change too much.

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Only Tell People You Implicitly Trust

Your mutual friends who were yours first are the people who are going to have the most insight and won't run off and tell this person you have a crush on them the second you're done talking. Since it's a friend-on-friend crush, it's hard to confide in people because of their inherent bias. Find someone you trust no matter what, who has your back, and will give you some good advice about what to do. Maybe they know something you don't... like that your crush has always had a thing for you and to go for it. There's no way to know unless you ask and you open up that door of possibility by telling someone else first, just make sure you trust them one hundred percent.

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Flirt First

Test the waters out by putting it out there that you like them in a non-intense way. You don't have to come on super strong, but if you're dancing in a group, very specifically dance with your crush for a while. Hint that you'd be into it, even if it's in a joking way, and see what their reaction is. There are subtle ways to flirt that aren't big deals or overtly sexual. If you don't want wreck everything by telling them you like them just yet, you can rock the boat a little just to see if it'll capsize or it'll stay stable. It'll also be a good warm up for the actual act of telling them.

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Tell Them!

Before you tell me I'm being hypocritical, let me just say that it doesn't have to be right-now-in-the-moment. Whether you want to tell them while you can still do something about it is your business. All I know is I told my high school best friend after the fact and we had a good laugh about how we missed the mutual-crush window by a week because we had both liked each other at one point in time, just not the same time. It could be a bonding moment after everything's been said and done or it could be an actual brave thing you have to buck up and say to someone, in which case, good luck. It's worth telling them, eventually, whenever eventually means to you.

Source: iStock

Have A Rejection Strategy

If you make the decision to tell them you have a crush on them, and get rejected, have a plan about what you're going to do about it. Do you need to stop hanging with them for a second? If they're a dick to you after you tell them, they probably weren't your friend to begin with, so know that they're probably going to let you down gently if you do wind up being rejected. Still, make sure you have a recovery plan in place and a self-care strategy if you need to nurse your wounds for a little bit. Rejection happens to all of us, it just might sting a little more coming from a friend, so brace for impact.

Source: iStock

Have you ever had a crush on a friend? How did it turn out? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.

 

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