There’s this guy I like and he’s the total package. Intelligent, charming, funny and oh so damn fine. We’ve known each other since January and we’ve gone from strangers to close friends. We clicked instantaneously and while there’s definitely some chemistry between us, neither of take action on it and he pretends like it’s not even there.
He isn’t a virgin. I, on the other hand, have never had sex, been in a relationship, or been kissed. Anyways, he sees me as the innocent and wholesome good girl. Little does he know the thoughts that go on in my head about him.
Since he does view me as an innocent and wholesome girl, I’m not sure how I can tend to his sexual needs. I am very sexual person with a high sex drive. I think about it frequently and I don’t want to scare him off with the thoughts that fill my head about him. I wanna get intimate with him, but I’m not sure what to do with my non-existent sex life.
While I understand you don’t have any sexual experience, we all have to start somewhere. Just because you’re perhaps a bit older than most people when they get frisky for the first time doesn’t mean you’re somehow damaged or of less worth. Also, even if he had all the experience in the world, it doesn’t mean that should get in the way of your dating.
If I were you, I’d start simple, and try to move from friends to dating. Since you already know him so well, just ask if he wants to go out on a date. It’s really that simple.. While I totally get your concerns over things getting hot and heavy, chances are that won’t happen on the first date, and you have complete control over what happens when.
That is to say, if you guys do start to see each other in a more-than-friends sort of way, take the sex stuff at YOUR pace and what ever YOU’RE comfortable with. I get that he’ll probably want to get from holding hands to full-on sex as quickly as possible, but that’s not his decision. You don’t have to (and should never) do anything you’re not comfortable with, and that’s the bottom line.
If he gets impatient and starts to pressure you, then I’d get out of the relationship as that implies he’s just in it for the action. By how you described him, I doubt that’ll be the case and it will go smoothly.
In terms of concerns of your inexperience making it less than great for him, I can tell you that has very little impact. So much of sex (in every form) is about the connection and heat between the two people, and I’ve no doubt he’ll be more than happy to give you some pointers on what he likes.
So, slow is the name of the game here. Go on some dates and let things develop naturally. If you try to force it, chances are it will go poorly, so take things at your pace, ALWAYS use protection and have fun!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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