I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months, and everything has been pretty great. But recently I think he’s been kind of implying that he wants me to lose weight. Whenever I eat around him, he says stuff like “Are you really eating that?” and “I’d be so full if I ate like you do.” I’ve never really thought about my weight before, and I don’t think I’m fat, but now I’m afraid I’m going to crush him or something. I guess his ex-girlfriend was pretty skinny, so he’s used to that (he’s mentioned it a few times), but to be honest, it makes me feel really crappy and insecure when we hook up. But other than this, he’s awesome and supportive and I really like him. What should I do?
There is a right way and a wrong way to try and help your significant other get a bit healthier, and it seems like your boyfriend is giving a Masters Degree course in the wrong way. Everything he’s doing is about as bad as it gets, and even if he has the best of intentions at heart, he’s become completely blind to the damage he is causing.
But the first question is: how do YOU feel about your weight? What does your doctor think about your weight? If neither you nor your doctor have any concerns, then your boyfriend is just being shallow. If there is a legitimate concern, then you should consider changing some of your habits. But if you choose to do so, do it for yourself, not this guy!
It really doesn’t matter what sort of body type his ex-girlfriend had, as he’s dating you now, and he should accept you completely. If he has some sort of problem or qualifier with that simple idea, it might be time to show him the door.
If I were you, I’d call him on his not-so-subtle, passive-aggressive comments and ask if he has a problem with your weight or shape. He may try to dodge the question or defuse the situation so he doesn’t feel awkward or guilty, but press him on it until you get a real answer. If you think his concern is legitimate and from the heart, then let him know he went about it the wrong way, and discuss ways the two of you can get healthier together. From going to the gym as a team to cooking together, this is a sure-fire way to strengthen any relationship.
However, if he makes ANY reference to his ex-girlfriend, or you feel it’s more about his ego than your health, it’s your decision of whether you’re willing to live with that sort of regular judgment.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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