Pro-tip: You’re probably not as woke as you think you are. Even with the best of intentions, it can be really hard to shake off “problematic” beliefs that we’ve grown up seeing as the norm for most of our lives. You can try–and you should–but this isn’t something that changes over night. It’s not like you read one woke AF Tumblr post about body shaming and suddenly erase every little nasty belief you’ve ever had about certain body sizes, or immediately shake off a racial prejudice that was the norm in your household after reading a touching Tweet.
Likewise, it’s impossible to suddenly ditch every (gendered, hetero-centric AF) belief about sexuality after finding out what slut shaming is. It’s also important to note that even those who really think that they’ve got this whole “sexism is effed up, eff the patriarchy” thing on lock, it’s easy to accidentally develop unfair double standards in response to other unfair double standards. Okay, I might have lost you for a second, and that’s okay. But just check out this post of seven unfair sexual double standards that you buy into to see what I mean. Even the most seemingly woke among us can fall into these icky behaviors, and it’s important to catch ourselves (and others) when we notice it happening.
(For the purposes of this post, the following scenarios largely apply to cis-gender heterosexual relationships.)
It's Effed Up To Expect A Girl To Perform Oral, But A Dude Better Enjoy Giving OralYes, there is this weird taboo about performing oral sex on a vagina because we're meant to think that vaginas are gross...while putting a penis in your mouth is chill. It's natural to be weary that a dude might not want to go down on a girl because of those sexist reasons, but that doesn't mean that they're sexist for not wanting to eat the kitty. Some just aren't into it, like some women don't like putting penises in their mouths. If you're with a dude who is anti-cunnilingus, have an open mind before immediately assuming he thinks vaginas are fishy hell holes that should only see penis action but no tongue action. If that's the case...boy, bye.Jawbreaker
It's Chill To Mock Penis Sizes/ShapesA lot of us raise bloody hell if a woman is body shamed, but we join in when it comes to men. Some of it can be in the spirit of "haha, payback for how men treat women!" I get that. And while the body shaming that women experience obviously is more pervasive and has larger consequences in our society, that doesn't mean that it's chill to treat men's bodies as disposable and worthy of mockery just because sexism sucks. This is also true when it comes to penises. Just like you can't control the size of your boobs or the shape of your labia, a dude can't control what his penis looks like. My So-Called Life
Girls Who Sleep Around Are Missing Something In Their ~Souls~Even the most woke feminists among us can harbor some sort of pity party beliefs about women who are super sexually liberated...and buy into the notion that their obsession with sex is a cry for help. Not necessarily. Sure, some will use sex to bury emotions. Others just want to get it in. Misfits
Dudes Who Are Virgins Past A Certain Age Are WeirdosThis isn't to say that our society is lenient with women who are virgins into their 20s. As someone who fit the bill, I can assure you that dudes definitely were hesitant about that aspect of my, er, life. But even I have had to grow out of this idea that dudes who are virgins into their 20s aren't weirdos who are in that pickle for a reason. I wasn't a virign for a reason, I just...was. There are dudes like that too. Submarine
A Woman Shouldn't Be Told How To Rock Her Pubes, But Dudes...It's ten levels of effed up for women to be expected to look like a damn barbie down there while dudes can look like wooly mammoths. But you also can't be pro-women-doing-what-they-want-down-there and get mad if your BF doesn't want to shave when you ask. Nobody wants pubes in the teeth, but let's not act like that isn't a double standards. Y'all either need to compromise or let it go and enjoy each other, regardless of hairy status.iStock.com
Guys Who Aren't Into Sex Are A Little Off SomehowSure, we might have grown past the idea that women aren't as horned up as dudes and accept that women want to get it on a lot too. But we can still buy into this notion that it's expected for dudes to be interested in sex all the time, which leads to suspicious when we encounter a dude who just...isn't. Um, they exist, just as there are women who aren't really up for it all the time. Girls
Whoever Has The Penis Better Have The ProtectionOrrrrr how about this: No matter what you've got going on down south, you're also supposed to be responsible for protection, period. A dude with a penis should have a condom on hand if he wants to get it on, and a woman with a vagina should also have condoms on hand too (female or male) and maybe even consider being on birth control. This is both of y'alls responsibilities. The Inbetweeners
What other sexual double standards are there? Which go under the radar? Tell us in the comments!