Ask A Guy: How To Tell If Your Long-Term Boyfriend Is Cheating

Hey Joel,

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We’re both in college, he dorms but I don’t. The first few months of our relationship everything was perfect and it was great. But these past five months have been weird. So I will tell you everything that happened in order:

1. He went to a party and I guess he met some girl there. And then I saw texts from his friend and him talking about the girl. And how he was going to text her because she was so beautiful. And he wanted his friend to talk to her for him. And when I asked him about it he said he was never going to text her, they only danced at the party and he was only saying that stuff so his friend wouldn’t say he’s whipped or whatever.

2. I saw a Snapchat from a girl, and he said his friend sent it from his phone, not her.

3. He is ALWAYS taking naps. Always. Like as I’m writing you this right now he told me he was going to take a nap at four PM; it’s now ten. He lives with three other guys–how can someone sleep that much???

I sleep over a couple times a week and we text all the time except when he’s napping. So I don’t know. Obviously his friends aren’t going to say anything to me. And I don’t want to go asking around. I’ve just been having massive intuition that he is cheating.  I just don’t want to think he would ever do that.


I hate to say it, but your intuition sounds completely spot on. Everything you’re saying points to him being dishonest and avoiding you at best, and cheating on you at worst. From what you’ve said, this guy is trying to have the best of both worlds, and there are a number of concerning factors that should be enough for you to bail.

First off, when he gave you the excuse that he didn’t want his friends to think he’s “whipped” or whatever, that is a complete insult to you and your relationship. He should be proud that you two are together, and his reasoning for not having interest in another girl SHOULD be because he already has a girlfriend–plain and simple. Attempting to brush it off as anything else is him dodging the fact that those texts were completely legit, and you should feel offended by his justification.

Past that, the second there was a shady Snapchat–that should have been the end of it. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t look at porn and whatever, but Snapchat is a completely different story. It’s far more personal, and given that he already had a strike against him in the lying and deceiving category, that should have been the deal breaker.

Finally, his “naps” are absolutely questionable. Anyone sleeping that much should go to the doctor. Even under the stress and schedule of college, there’s just no way that someone is napping all the time. My money says that he is just using it as an excuse to avoid you. Whether he’s at home playing video games with his roommates or out with other girls doesn’t really matter–the fact that he’d rather deceive you is why you should be upset.

It’s obvious that this guy is coming up with a number of different ways to lie to you, and lying to anyone shows a complete lack of respect for that person. From what you’ve said, I see absolutely no reason to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, and I’d kick him to the curb quick and find yourself a guy who treats you right!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

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  • Kingkuul

    take it from a real guy the only thing questionable is the snap chat which could be easily proven or disprove and him not wanting his friends to think hes whipped is normal no guy wants their peers to think their girlfriend has total control of them because relationship is equal and napping how is that link to cheating i work late at night so i get up late and often nap during day theres nothing medically wrong with that nor am i cheating on my girlfriend im just tried and if this guy is in school then he could up late at night either studying, playing games till the sun rise or out all night with friends then go to class in the morning leading him to be tried later in the day if you truly wanna know if hes cheating on you then just go to him and sit down together and talk about it and express your concerns on the matter instead of posting on some random site and getting wrong information dont be going through his stuff because then hes gonna start thinking one of two things 1. you are stalking him 2. you have no trust in him