It can be incredibly frustrating when you do something for someone and they don’t return the favor. Maybe you let your BFF borrow your brand new skirt but she won’t let you borrow her new dress, or maybe you lent her your notes to copy, but she won’t let you copy hers. It’s not fair, right? And if you think stuff like that is bad, it’s nothing compared to really personal favors, like sex stuff. You know, like when you give someone an orgasm but they don’t give you one back, or when you go down on someone and they won’t go down on you. Obviously, you can’t force anyone to do anything, but it still sucks.
It also brings up a lot of questions, because you kind of have no idea what to do. On the one hand, you’re probably feeling insulted and annoyed that you’re willing to give someone oral sex but they don’t want to do it back – so insulted and annoyed that you want to say something or make a big deal about it. But, on the other hand, you know that you can’t force someone to perform a sexual act they aren’t comfortable with. A user on our boards, Camden_love4, brought up a similar issue she was having with her boyfriend. She recently posted, “So when my bf and I first starting messing around he used to love going down on me. The all of sudden he kinda just stopped. I am like disgruntled because my last two BFs didn’t like doing it either but I was always willing to do it for them. I really love oral and I didn’t want to get into another relationship again like this. What do you ladies think?”
Obviously, this is a pretty tricky situation. You don’t want to force anyone into sex stuff, but you deserve to be satisfied too! And how do you know if they genuinely don’t feel comfortable doing it, or if they just don’t really want to? If you’re dating or hooking up with someone who won’t go down on you, read on for tips on how to deal:
Don't Go Down On HimCarlysullens said, "You should say you won't give him oral if he doesn't give you oral" It’s not fair to you if you’re always performing oral sex on him and he won’t do it back to you. So, if you’ve been going down on him just to make him happy, then stop feeling like you always have to do it. You don’t need to be like, “Well, I won’t do it if you won’t,” but you shouldn’t feel the pressure to do it all the time if he clearly doesn’t. Image Source: iStock
Try Something ElserachelH said, "I don't want that to sound harsh - but all humans can get bored of things. You might just want to try and spice things up a little 🙂 Try 69-ing? Or letting him eat you out with you in the doggy position." Maybe you guys need to try a new way to perform oral sex. Ask him if he would rather try a different position. If he still doesn’t seem into it, obviously don’t force him, but hey – it’s worth trying. Image Source: iStock
Be Honestgamergirl117 said, "Be honest with him and say you really want it and it would be something you could enjoy. Maybe not every time you both are physical. But that should go both ways. If you did not enjoy going down on him it would be crappy for him to expect it. I think just having a open discussion might fix it." If you love receiving oral sex, tell your boyfriend that. It’s possible that he feels like he wasn’t doing a good job and was left feeling pretty insecure about it. Maybe he needs reassurance that you enjoyed what he was doing. Be honest with him and tell him that you really want him to keep doing it. Even if it doesn’t change his mind, it’s important for you guys to be honest with each other. Don’t just ignore it if it’s really bothering you – let him know it’s bumming you out, and then maybe you guys can come to some sort of understand from there Image Source: iStock
Don't Make Him Do Anythingwaterbaby said, " You don't MAKE people do sexual acts they don't want to do. That's not consent." As much as you might want him to do it, you can't force your bae to go down on you, that actually counts as sexual assault. Instead, try talking to him to find out why he doesn’t want to do it so you can better understand what’s going on. Image Source: iStock
Find A Compromisegamergirl117 said, " you can't force someone to do it. It stinks. But maybe you can find a compromise and fix it. :). I hope it works out. Just give some time and have more talks" Him not going down on you doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. Try to find something else you both like doing to replace that act. Experiment with stuff you’re both comfortable with. Who knows – you might find something you like even more! Image Source: iStock
Accept ItkatieXcat said, "Unfortunatley, some men do not like the taste, smell, texture of a vagina. Women get away with not going down on their boyfriends all the time because of whatever reason, and this is totally socially acceptable. If your sex life starts affecting your relationship, you may need to consider breaking up." Some people just aren’t into giving oral sex, and you should never try to force anyone into it. Think about how you would feel if things were reversed! If it’s clear that your BF is uncomfortable doing it, then give it up and accept that it’s not their thing Image Source: iStock
Consider Breaking UpRockingchick said, "If you aren't happy with the situation then leave. It's as simple as that." If the lack of oral sex makes you that unhappy, then maybe it’s a sign that you two aren’t as compatible as you thought you were. Maybe it’s pointing to bigger issues in your relationship. Really think about things, and if you don’t want to stay with someone who can’t satisfy you in the bedroom, then consider breaking up. Image Source: iStock
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