Ask A Guy: How To Tell If The Guy You’re Talking To Is A F*ckboy

Hey Joel,

So there’s this guy I have been crushing on for the past three months. But sadly we haven’t gotten anywhere further. In the beginning, he told me he doesn’t do relationships and I honestly respect that but with time passing by, he started showing signs that he actually does like me but then he would turn cold. Recently I hinted that I like him but I think later I confused him by ignoring him which was followed by him being rude to me! Also yesterday I was prank texting him song lyrics of “into you” and he got pretty stubborn and wanted me to tell him properly what I really intended to tell him. I just dunno what to do.


Before we get into how you should handle this situation, let me caution you about ANY guy who drops that “I don’t do relationships” line. Know that it’s a total load of crap, and is quite possibly the most obvious sign of a guy who is too immature for you. Basically, that line means they’re either scared of commitment, or want to just be a player as long as possible. Either way, these guys are rarely worth the effort.

That being said, this guy seems to be throwing out some conflicting messages, but the fact that he only seems to show real interest to you when you’re on the phone or other private situations leans towards him being a player. I get that he occasionally shows up somewhere seemingly just to see you, but to be honest, that’s a bit more on the creepy/stalker side of things than romantic.

Also, the fact that he shows jealousy and tries to box out other guys is, well, it’s a very manipulative move. If he wants to date you, he needs to step up and make that known. If not, all he’s doing is making it difficult for you to meet another potential boyfriend. Be careful not to confuse a guy with control issues with one trying to make you feel special. The latter will make his intentions known, while the former is the biggest red flag around.

Regardless of which side he falls on, the reality is that this guy clearly can’t make up his mind about what he wants, and his open statement about not wanting to be in a relationship is sort of all you need to know. If you really need 100% confirmation, then be up front with him about your wants. Tell him you’d like to date, and see what he says. I’m guessing he’ll be wishy-washy about it, and then you can move on and find a better guy!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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