12 Vagina-Themed Holiday Gifts You Didn’t Know You Needed

I love looking at holiday decorations. It doesn’t matter if I don’t have any space to put them, there is something about just gazing at them that fills me with joy. I could be looking at them in a department store, in a cute little holiday market, or watching one of those intense Christmas decorating shows. I’m all for the traditional red and green decorations, but I cannot resist unique gifts that aren’t like anything I have seen before. (FYI: I’m currently obsessing over a feathered rose gold wreath.)

One place you can always find unique holiday decorations and gifts is Etsy. You can find just about anything and everything to suit niche tastes and that includes vagina-themed holiday gifts. Yup, you read that right. You can find lots of vagina-shaped jewelry on Etsy, so it only makes sense that you can find vagina-themed holiday items on there. Otherwise, where would all of the festive cheer be?

If you’re looking for something unique to give to your friends or you want something cool to keep for yourself, I’ve compiled a list of some of the best vagina-themed holiday gifts around. TBT, all of them are pretty awesome, but these ones take it to the next level. And don’t worry, you can still have them whether you have been naughty or nice this year.


Vagina Christmas Ornament

This isn't like the other glass bulbs you have hanging on your Christmas tree. That's for sure. FYI: Each hand-painted ornament is unique, just like actual vaginas.

Vagina Christmas Ornament, $7, Etsy

Vagina Plush Ornament

Fun fact: This vagina ornament is modeled after Marilyn Monroe and features a *classy* faux pearl. That's what they describe it as, not me. Even if you have a friend who is a massive Marilyn fan, you can almost guarantee she will not have something like this plush vag ornament.

Vagina Plush Ornament, $15, Etsy

Uterus Crochet Ornament

You can have an anatomy lesson and some Christmas cheer with this ornament. The plush style features a uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, vagina canal, and vulva. If you're looking for a conversation starter at your holiday gathering, just ask everyone to try to name the different parts on the ornament.

Uterus Crochet Ornament, $20, Etsy

Menstruation Vagina Brooch

This isn't just any old vagina decoration. It is one that can be made into a brooch, magnet, or Christmas tree decoration. Furthermore, it is also a menstruating vagina. That's right, kids. Take a good look at the embellishment on it.

Menstruation Vagina Brooch, $27, Etsy

Vagina Christmas Card

Are you tired of giving a generic holiday card that is exactly the same as the one you gave last year? Enter this card. It's festive and it has an informative vagina diagram. The little gold bow also gives it some festive sparkle.

Vagina Christmas Card, $4.45, Etsy

Crotch Porn-O-Ment

That's right, this isn't just an ornament. It is a porn-o-ment. There is a difference, you guys. You can choose between blonde, brown, black, or red, or collect them all.

Crotch Porn-O-Ment, $10, Etsy

Vagina Stocking Stuffer

It is mighty tempting to make a joke involving vagina stocking stuffers, but I am going to stick with the jolly spirit and let this one go for today. Instead, I will ask that you please admire these one-of-a-kind stocking stuffers made with wool pubes. Note that the vags are stuck in those stockings so they ain't coming out.

Vagina Stocking Stuffer, $12, Etsy

Beaded Vagina Ornament

Sometimes a vagina ornament isn't enough of a statement. For those times, you can give this beaded vagina ornament. This version may or may not look like it has eyes.

Beaded Vagina Ornament, $15, Etsy

Custom-Made Goddess Stocking

If you have always been saying to yourself that you would prefer to have a vagina stocking instead of one with Santa Claus, I have some good news for you. You can have this goddess stocking. Look closely and you will see that isn't just a random quilt design.

Custom-Made Goddess Stocking, $20, Etsy

Vulva Ornament

What's red and green and uniquely shaped that you can hang from your tree? Why that would be this vulva Christmas ornament.

Vulva Ornament, $9, Etsy

Merry Clitmas Cards

It isn't the holidays unless you send out cards. I can guarantee that everyone will remember you if you send out this card. I'm sure it will probably get pride of place on their mantelpieces.

Merry Clitmas Cards, $8.26, Etsy

Vulva Holiday Ornament

There's nothing like celebrating the holidays by hanging a pretty vagina ornament on your tree. Your friends will surely appreciate this vagina cross stitch design. The frame is pretty rad, but obviously the cross stitching is what is the focal point.

Vulva Holiday Ornament, $16.07, Etsy

What one is your favorite? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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