What Do You Do If Your Friend’s Crush Kisses You?

Hi Heather,

I did something I regret and it’s killing me. My friend likes a guy we both know. My friends and I all went out one night, and he came with us but my friend who likes him did not. We had a pretty crazy night, and we were all drinking. At one point, the guy and I were alone, and he tried to kiss me. I felt confused and walked away to stay away from him. But later on, I ended up being alone with him again (accidentally) and I pretended nothing happened. But when I tried to walk away, he grabbed me and kissed me. This time, our other friends saw.

The kiss didn’t mean anything to me and didn’t go far, but I feel horrible. My friend doesn’t know it happened even though our whole squad knows. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like him like that. Should I tell her or keep it a secret?

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Getting in between a friend and their crush is always a sucky situation. In this case, it sounds like this wasn’t really your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose, you tried to stop it from happening, and things didn’t go further than a kiss. I understand where your guilt is coming from, but seriously – it could have been a lot worse!

I’ll get straight to the point – I think you should be honest with your friend. Like, right now. Tell her right now. Be totally straight with her and explain the exact situation. Tell her how you feel and let her know you aren’t into him, you didn’t want it to happen, you didn’t enjoy it, it will never happen again, and you wish it didn’t happen at all. Explain that you told her because you didn’t want to lie to her and keep it from her, because her friendship is important to you.

I wish I could say she’ll take that explanation, give you a hug, praise you for being a wonderfully honest friend, and you two will skip off with an even closer bond. However, I obviously can’t promise that. In an ideal world, your friend would recognize that you were trying to do the right thing, and she wouldn’t hold this against you. But that isn’t always the case. Have you ever heard the phrase “don’t shoot the messenger?” That kind of applies here. Sometimes, when you try to be honest and do the right thing, the person you’re telling gets mad at you for doing just that, because they are hurt and angry, and don’t know who else to project those feelings on.

So, yes, the truth is that your friend might be mad at you regardless of whether you wanted this or not. She might choose not to believe you. She might feel bitter that her crush is interested in you and hold that against you. She might ask why it took you a little while to come clean. She might feel embarrassed and push you away. I don’t know! It’s also totally possible that she will direct her hurt and anger at her crush, and appreciate you for being real with her, and consider you a good friend. I know that, personally, I would much rather a friend be honest with me about that than keep it from me. In fact, I would be more likely to end the friendship if she never told me about it.

On top of all of that, it’s totally possible that your friend will find out what happened from someone else – and then things will get much worse. A bunch of people saw you and her crush, and to think it will never come out is a little naïve. She is much better off hearing the story from you first than from anyone else, because if that happens, it’s going to be really hard for you to get her to trust and believe you at all.

Of course this conversation is going to be hard and awkward and uncomfortable. But it’s also necessary. Remember: you didn’t go out of your way to hurt her. You didn’t pursue her crush or fall for him or anything like that. Be honest, be genuine, and hopefully everything will work out. But it’s best to get this off your chest and breathe a little bit easier.

Good luck!
Heather

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Posted in: Friends, Love Advice
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