11 Things That Aren’t Actually Better Than A Relationship

If you have ever been on the internet before—which my critical thinking skills lead me to believe you have—you will have noticed that there are a few things that the internet as a whole has decided should be your significant other. I say “things” here because they are not the various men (Benedict Cumberbatch, Oscar Isaac, Tom Hiddleston before the fabricated Taylor Swift tryst) and women (Anna Kendrick, Emma Watson, Emma Stone) the internet has designated as its respective boyfriends or girlfriends, but rather inanimate objects.

Chief among them? Pizza. Now, pizza is delicious, of course, but it is not bae. In fact, I might argue that to call pizza “bae” is a disgrace to pizza itself, honestly. Bae is a concept and pizza is a solid truth. A bae will potentially one day break your heart and leave you bereft, while pizza will always remain the same trustworthy mix of dough, tomato sauce, and cheese (give or take a few ingredients). They are not the same thing.

Is this the hill I am prepared to die on? Not at all, as many other people have already done that for me. Still, I do think it is important to take note of. Check out these inanimate objects that, no matter what the internet tells you, are not actually better than a relationship. Or anything:

1. Pizza:

The scourge of pizza being bae has reached so far that Domino’s Malaysia’s Twitter handle is literally “pizza is bae.” Which is fine! But, I don’t know–once corporate Twitter gets ahold of your favorite epithet, isn’t it time to let it go?


2. Bacon and eggs:

Speaking of corporate Twitter………….


3. A burrito:



4. Milkshakes:

salsjghdjhasajga NOOOOO!!!!


5. Froyo:

I mean, the same logic applies here. Froyo is delicious! But it is not bae, and, if you are lactose intolerant, will not be kind to you at all.


6. A sandwich:

I don’t know. Fine. Whatever.


7. The poop emoji:



8. Chipotle:

I said ENOUGH.


9. Carbs:

*hisses angrily*


10. Coffee:

Looking at you, “but first, coffee” people.


11. Moral of the story? Careful what you call your bae:

‘Cause life comes at you fast.


What do you think of these objects? Are any of them *actually* bae to you? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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