Like most people, I have accepted that the best part of my 2016 is very likely going to be the moment when the new season of Gilmore Girls is put on Netflix. Whether it is good or bad, it will exist. But lately, I have been rewatching Gilmore Girls–as one must do to both to prepare for the new season and impending doom of the rest of our lives–and here is what I have realized: Jess Mariano, Rory’s second boyfriend whom many Gilmore Girls stans hold dear, is bad.
I am naturally drawn to the moody art school type anyway, so I had always been Team Jess. In many ways, I still am, as he is superior to Dean, the scrappy, sentient jar of mayonnaise, and Logan, the wealthy sentient jar of mayonnaise. Now, I am sure that, if portrayed in a gentler, nuanced lens of 2016 (because while the year itself is mostly a flaming pile of literal and figurative sewer refuse, television shows have maintained increasing levels of sensitivity and tact!) Jess Mariano would be less of a flawed character. He wouldn’t boss Rory around as much and the show would be less reliant on the character’s brooding, dreamy hotness–which, to be fair, is at peak levels of hot dreamy brooding–to carry his appeal throughout the series. But as he is? There is only one thing that Jess Mariano is and that thing is problematic AF. Check out the reasons why here:
1. He treats Rory…horribly.
So badly!! He doesn’t listen to her, he’s never there when she calls, and, while he’s certainly interested in her, much ofhis interest doesn’t go beyond what relates to him.
2. He doesn’t care about Rory’s interests.
Jess is also high-key dismissive of everything that Rory enjoys that isn’t, like, alt literature and making out with him. If he ever does do something to humor her–like going to a dinner at her grandmother’s house–he makes it clear that he’s only doing it to appease her and he hates every single minute of it. (And, if we’re going with the dinner at Emily’s example, he also appears at the dinner late with a black eye and storms out before it even starts.)
3. He’s on some sadboy toxic masculinity BS.
Remember when a swan attacked Jess and he was too ashamed to tell anyone, so he basically just, like, ruined his relationship with Rory to protect his ego? So dumb!
4. He does NOT value her time.
He’s too good to make plans, so he just has Rory, like, sit around until she calls.
5. He thinks he’s better than everyone else.
We’re all guilty of this at times, but Jess is really guilty of it. It’s evident in everything from the way he treats Rory, Lorelai, and everyone in Stars Hollow to He’s basically the exact same person as the guy in your class who never does the readings but still thinks he gets to lead the class discussion. He’s hot, so it’s confusing, but he’s a pretentious jerk nonetheless.
6. He actively pursued Rory while she already had a boyfriend.
Rory was, like, straight-up dating Dean and Jess straight-up pursued her. A lot of this is on Rory, obviously–she could have just said “no thank you”–but it’s inconsiderate to fully go after someone who is in a committed relationship with someone else.
7. And he had a girlfriend.
Remember how, like, the second Rory and Dean broke up, Jess went to go dump his girlfriend at the time, Shane? As the viewer, you’re supposed to laugh about this because the girl he dumps is was mean to Rory one time and presumably already having sex with Jess, and, therefore, a slut who’s worthy of our disdain. But this is BS and proves that Jess only cares about women if they can benefit him.
8. He won’t go out with her unless he’s feeling jealous about something.
Netflix didn’t exist when Gilmore Girls was originally on the air, but if it did, you can bet he and Rory would have been doing a lot of Netflix and Chill because he basically refused to take her on dates. In fact, he refused to go with Rory to the Winter Carnival until he found out that Dean was going, so he decided to go so he could breathe down her neck the entire evening.
9. He tries to pressure Rory into sex.
And yells at her when she won’t do it, which makes her cry. That’s sexual assault.
10. He crashed the car.
THE CAR. THE CAR THAT DEAN BUILT FOR RORY. (I’m not team Dean. But, you guys, that’s just rude, right?
11. He tried to woo Rory with……magic.
lest you all forgot–HERE IT IS, THE MOMENT THAT RUINED JESS MARIANO FOREVER pic.twitter.com/ddVOoAiaEx
— Sara Hendricks (@shendrickslamar) January 24, 2016
Are you a Gilmore Girls fan? What do you think about Jess? Let us know in the comments!