So, my ex and I broke up a few months ago. I’ve been talking to his friend recently, and we’re thinking of dating. The breakup wasn’t contentious, and his friend wasn’t involved at all at the time, but I still feel kind of weird about it. Is there any good way to go about this?
I totally get why you feel a bit weird about things with this new guy, but I think if you go about this the right way, everyone should be cool with the situation. In reality, your new guy has a lot more work to do than you, but you should definitely make sure you’re on the same page first.
The reason you’re feeling weird about it is likely because it’s your ex’s friend, and since things didn’t end horribly between you and the first guy, you don’t want to hurt his feelings. Also, I am sure there’s a bit of “am I being shady” kicking around in the back of your head, but if you really did have a clean break and had nothing to do with your new guy, I wouldn’t stress on that any longer.
Insofar as the best way to go about trying to make things okay, I’d have your new guy talk to your old guy. As friends, they need to get things straight on a number of levels, as your ex may not be very happy about his pal’s new girl. Even if there was absolutely nothing going on between you and this new guy during your last relationship, it’s still tough to drop that idea on a friend.
To be honest, you don’t really owe your ex any sort of explanation. You broke up, you moved on–it’s that simple. In many ways, any problems with your ex will be between him and your new guy. While your ex may not want anything at all to do with you anymore, he really can’t be pissed that you’ve found someone new.
In the end, the sooner you handle this, the better. It will make things easier for you and your new guy, and if your new guy can’t bring himself to man-up to your ex, that might be a sign that he’s not the sort of guy you want to date.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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