You probably already know that trust is an essential part of a romantic relationship. Well, trusting someone isn’t only important when it comes to dating – it’s just as important when it comes to friendships. You can’t call someone your best friend if you don’t trust them. Part of being close friends is being able to rely on each other, being able to tell each other secrets without worrying if they’re going to tell someone else, and knowing that they’ll have your back if needed. If none of that exists, how can you possibly call someone a bestie?
Unfortunately, not every friend out there is deserving of your trust. A lot of women can sometimes be more quick to trust a girl friend than a guy they’re interested in. I know that’s true for me! I have told more secrets to girls I just met than I’ve ever told to dudes I’ve made out with. When you like like someone, the stakes feel higher and you feel more vulnerable, so your trust is a little bit harder to give away. Unless you’ve been seriously hurt by a friend before, you aren’t usually as wary. This is great, but it also means that you might be more likely to ignore the little signs that are screaming, “Don’t trust this person!”
I have been hurt by close friends before because I ignored my gut feeling that something was up. In high school, my very best friend who was practically a sister to me went behind my back and started dating my ex who I was still in love with (while I was on vacation! She didn’t even give me a heads up!). I was heartbroken, and after that, my trust issues spiked. I became a little over cautious, which isn’t ideal, but it did make me more aware of what to look for when you’re trying to figure out if you should believe in someone. So, let me share with you! Here are a few signs you shouldn’t trust a friend. Back away while you still can!
They Go Through Friend PhasesEveryone has at least one friend who goes through friend phases constantly. You know, the girl who becomes impossibly close to a friend for a few months or even over a year, spending every second of her time with them, and then suddenly they're barely close anymore and she's moved on to someone else. Most of us do this to a degree, but some people jump from best friend to best friend quickly and in an intense way. While it's not exactly a bad thing, it's also not a great sign when it comes to trust. It could mean that your friend isn't always going to be there for you, or that she might just kind of fall off one day. On top of that, friends who do this a lot tend to be a little bit flakier, which isn't a great personality trait. Watch out for their behavior! Source: iStock
They're Mean To You In Front Of Other PeopleOne of the worst types of friends is the girl who is perfectly fine and nice when it's just you two, but then puts you down in front of others. Sometimes it seems innocent - she teases you and makes fun of you in a "nice" way around other friends - and sometimes it's more obviously sinister - she is straight up mean around other people. Either way, it's not cool, and it's not a sign that you should trust her. If she acts completely different depending on who's around, it more than likely means she's willing to do whatever to fit in with a group or look cool - including put you down for no reason, hurt you for her own personal gain, and disregard your feelings in general. Not a good friend! Source: iStock
They Talk About Everyone With YouGossip can be super fun. Trust me, I know this well. Sometimes few things can seem more fun than hanging with a close friend and "harmlessly" making fun of your other mutual friends, or venting about how annoying one of your other friends is. And that's part of any friendship, to a degree. But if your friendship with someone relies on gossip constantly, watch out. By this I mean if your friend gossips about literally everyone every single time she's with you, she is most likely gossiping about you behind your back too. Why wouldn't she be? If she rips apart every other mutual friend you have when you're together, you better believe she's doing the same to you with them when you aren't around. Source: iStock
They've Backstabbed Friends BeforeThis is sort of similar to telling a girl she shouldn't trust a guy if he's cheated on exes before - it's not the most fair statement in the world, and it isn't always accurate, but it's still something to consider. If your friend has backstabbed and hurt more than one friend in the past, there's a good chance she'll do it again. We all make mistakes, even crappy ones, so if she did it once, don't hold it against her forever. But if she has a history of doing it, and doesn't seem to care about that history, it's a red flag. Sometimes it's not even just about backstabbing. If your friend has a history of getting in weird fights with close friends and ending those friendships, it might happen to you guys too. I'll use my life as a quick example. I was best friends with a girl who had a lot of ex-best friends in her past. She always played the victim and made it seem like she was a great friend who just always managed to find crappy people to hang out with. I believed this until she did the same thing to me - she did something shitty to me, and turned everything around to make it look like I was the bad friend. We don't speak anymore, and I couldn't be happier about that. Source: iStock
They Tell You Other People's SecretsAgain, it can be SO much fun to gossip with a good friend. There's something embarrassingly giddy about sitting with your bestie and having her tell you a big secret someone else told her recently, promising you won't say anything and bonding over someone else's life. And, again, this is fairly normal in any friendship. But if your friend tells you every secret she hears as soon as she hears it, she probably isn't really keeping your secret either. It's different if the secret comes out by accident, or if she tells you because it affects you too, or if she tells you to ask for advice, or if she tells you months after she was told. But if you know everything through her right away, don't trust her to not do the same thing to you. Source: iStock
You Can't Depend On ThemIf your friend regularly bails on you, never does any favors for you, doesn't ask if you need anything when you're sad, and is only around when she has time, she... doesn't sound like a great friend. Someone who isn't reliable or dependable often means they aren't trustworthy. It doesn't mean they're going to stab you in the back or do something horrible to you, it just means you probably can't trust them to be there when it's important. And that's a pretty big deal. Source: iStock
They're Super Competitive With YouWatch out for super competitive friends, because they might just hurt you in order to feel like they have some sort of power over you. It's one thing to have healthy competition between friends - that's normal - but it's another to feel her anger and bitterness when you two are "competing" in some way. I was once best friends with a girl who was competitive with me over EVERYTHING - friends, grades, dating, clothes, money, pop culture knowledge, you name it. She made me feel like we were in a constant race, and eventually, it made its way into my relationship. She ended up trying to break up my BF and I. Shouldn't have trusted her! Source: iStock
They Are Never Really Happy For YouA huge red flag is a friend who can't seem to find the energy to be happy for you. You know, the friend who barely congratulates you on an accomplishment. The friend who always finds something negative in what you're doing and feels the need to point it out to you. The friend who gets sulky and mad when something good happens to you. All of this means that that friend is really jealous of you, and really insecure in themselves. It also means that they're more likely to do something to hurt you, or to not be there for you, because of passive aggressive anger. Source: iStockc
You Watch Them Lie A LotThis is similar to the point that friends who gossip and tell secrets about others to you will do the same about you - if you see them lying to everyone else, what makes you think they won't do it to you? It sounds obvious, but when we care about someone, we're more willing to believe the best in them. So, we might see our bestie lying to all of their other friends and think, "She wouldn't do that to me, we're different." But... why? If she's doing it to everyone, why wouldn't she do it to you? Source: iStock
They Ditch You For Others A LotFair weather friends are not friends you should trust. They're the friends who ditch you for "cooler" plans, or who only hang out when they have nothing going on. They're the friends who beg you to go to a party with them and then run away from you as soon as someone else starts talking to them. They'll blow you off for their crush any day. Sound familiar? Those friends will not be there when you need them, they aren't reliable, and they aren't even very nice. Don't trust them. They don't care about you - only themselves. Source: iStock
Do you disagree with any of these signs? What are other signs you can’t trust a friend? Tell us in the comments.