There are many reasons why moms, in general, are great. They birth you. Raise you. Send you texts that sound like Drake lyrics. (Or vice versa.) But one thing they are not so great for? Your own mental health when you are single.
I know this because my mom is, in all of the conventional ways, both objectively and significantly hotter than I am. This is fine with me, because while I, like most people, glean a good deal of my own self-worth from my physical appearance, I have also learned that it is not actually that big of a deal. (All the same, one of my favorite comedy bits to whip out at the many parties I attend is to goad someone into telling me that they think my mom is pretty, to which I then respond “Yes, that’s what every guy I liked in high school told me,” and oh, let me tell you, we do have quite a laugh.) Still, while I like to laugh about it, my mom being objectively hotter than me is something that has manifested in my mom not knowing what to do about the fact that I have been single for most of my life.
Basically, I get a lot of comments. I doubt I’m alone–moms, in general, tend to nitpick traits of their children in a way that is well-intentioned, but often comes across as…not that way. Much of that includes being single or exhibiting traits of being single, like not having a date to a dance or something. So, check out these annoying things that every mom ever has at one point said to their child who just so happens to be single, probably:
1. “Do you have a date to the dance yet?”
NOPE. WHICH YOU KNOW FULL WELL.
2. “Are you sure that you don’t want to go to prom this year?”
3. “I think you should go with that nice boy we met at the restaurant for your grandfather’s birthday. He was so funny! I know he’d be happy to go with you.”
4. “I’ll talk to him for you.”
MOM. EXTRA NO.
5. “It’s so weird–when I was in high school, I had dates lined up every Friday night.”
MUST BE NICE.
6. “I was talking to your sister, and we think you should start doing online dating.”
Why would you think that? Why would you both conspire against me? Why?
7. “Your cousin Jared got a Tinder account and he’s been dating that girl for a few months now!”
Okay. Fine. That’s great.
8. “Can I just make you a Tinder account?”
9. “I wish I could set you up with the boy I met at the gym today! He was just the nicest thing.”
10. “You can tell me who you like. I won’t tell anyone.”
NOT AFTER LAST TIME.
11. “Come on! I can talk to his mom. It’ll be so easy for you.”
12. “You can invite people over to the house. We won’t embarrass you.”
Hahahaha. Good one.
13. “You know, I read that article on how your generation isn’t having sex–but I knew that already.”
14. “Oh, come on. I’m just doing this because I love you!”
I mean. It’s true. You know that. But still.
Has your mom said any of these things to you? Which ones? Let us know in the comments!
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